


Escape

by HQuinn



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Violence, F/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-21
Packaged: 2018-04-14 06:55:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 26,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQuinn/pseuds/HQuinn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU - Cara Cousland is betrothed to a Duke from Orlais that she has not met before.  He's not as kind as she thought he'd be.  Running away, she finds someone from her past, and old feelings are brought into play.</p><p>Conflicted between doing whats best for her country and what's best for her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to check me out, I'm on tumblr at: http://wardenari.tumblr.com/

_Thunk!_

“Andraste’s Flaming Ass!”

Fergus laughed behind her where he was practicing swings against a practice dummy.

“Hit to the right again, Pup?” he asked.

Cara sighed, walking to the target to retrieve her arrows.  “Yes.  Don’t tell Mother about the swearing.”

“No way,” he laughed again.  “The whole reason I practice when you do is so I can hear you swear, it’s so funny.”

Cara shook her head, laughing at her brother.  At nearly 15 she knew most girls her age were busy with etiquette lessons and training on how to get a husband.  She was grateful to have parents that were more willing to just let her be her, which mainly meant spending most of her time being just like her brother.  Despite the similar interests, though, she couldn’t be less like him. 

Where Fergus had filled out from the gawky teen to a muscular and tall 17 year old young man, she was slim, and shorter.  He had short brown hair, her long blonde.  His eyes were brown, hers blue.  While he already looked like the man he would become, she was just starting to blossom out of her childhood appearance and into a young woman.

“You seem distracted today.   Ma must have shown you the dress for King Cailan’s wedding.” Fergus teased.

“It has ruffles, Fergus.  _Ruffles_!” Cara squished her nose up in distaste, causing her brother to laugh again. “Oh laugh all you want, brother.  I saw what you are wearing, good luck getting any girl’s to dance with you.”

Fergus just shook his head.  “Hey, Ser Gilmore, Nate and I are going hunting tomorrow, wanna come too?”

“Absolutely,” Cara answered.  “It’ll help me forget ruffles.”

Fergus grinned.  “Nate said his sister only ever wants to sew or learn about the latest dress styles.”

“Do you wish I was more like that?” Cara asked, looking unsure.  She idolized her big brother, his approval meant more to her than anyone.

“Nah,” Fergus waved his hand. “You’re way more fun than most sisters.  Besides, who else could I tease about not being able to hit an arrow straight?”  Cara replied by throwing a towel at him.

***

The four friends sat up in a tree eating the sandwiches Nan had provided, watching for any deer.

“So, who are you going to ask to dance at the wedding?” Nate asked Fergus.

Fergus shrugged.  “There was this girl at the last reception, from Antiva.  I don’t remember her name though.”

“You just like her because she has big breasts,” Cara laughed.

“So?” Fergus shrugged, causing them all to bust out.

“How about you, Car?” Nate asked.

“I’ll be hiding in the back praying to the Maker no one sees me,” she rolled her eyes.

“With that dress Ma picked out, you’re going to have a hard time not being seen,” Fergus laughed.

“That good?” Gilmore asked.

“That bad!” Cara said with a shiver.

“What do you think of the Anora?” Fergus asked them.

“She definitely has nice breasts,” Nate said wistfully looking off in the distance.

“Cailan better watch out then, Fergus will start asking her to dance!” Cara laughed.

“Shh,” Fergus said quietly.

“What, it’s not like they can hear you in Denerim.” Gilmore said.

“No, there, a deer. Come on.” Fergus said, shimmying down the tree.

Gilmore started down the tree next, pausing as he came close to Nate and Cara.  “The deer probably has a nice rack, that’s why Fer is interested.”

Cara and Nate snorted, trying to cover their laughter.

Nate climbed down next and then held his hands up to help Cara down.  She put her hands on his shoulders as he grabbed her waist, lifting her down.  Her feet touched the ground, but he didn’t remove his hands from her waist.  Cara felt her heart start to beat a little faster.  Nate inched slightly closer.  She could feel his breath on her cheek, looking up she saw him just watching her.  Cara felt the blush start on her cheeks, her feet shifted.  When did it become so warm?

Nate had become very aware of the way her body had rubbed against his as he lifted her down from the tree.  As her feet touched the ground, he couldn’t help but stare  at her.  She’d always been one of the guys, but somehow for the first time he felt like he was seeing her as something more. He stepped a little closer, hands still on her waist.  She blushed just slightly   Nate watched as she licked her lips nervously, feeling tingly all of a sudden.

Nate leaned down and brushed his lips against her lips.  For a moment Cara was frozen, then her brain caught up and she realized Nate was kissing her.  She started kissing him back, feeling a little chill run through her as the hands on her waist tightened.

“You guys coming?” Gilmore called out from ahead. 

Nate stepped back, and gave Cara a sly smile. “Maybe save a dance for me?” he asked barely above a whisper. Then turned to join the others.

Cara remained stuck to the ground for a few more seconds before her feet would move.  Suddenly she was looking a lot more forward to the wedding.


	2. The Duke

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains a scene of Domestic Violence. If that triggers you, please skip to the bottom, I'll recap the important points for you in notes at the bottom.
> 
> If you are in any kind of abusive relationship, please know it can get better. But you have to leave them, FOR GOOD. I've been there, both in a physically abusive one and then an emotionally abusive. It took a long time, but I did heal, and for the last 15 years I've been in a good relationship. I know it's not easy, I know it may require a lot of sacrifice to leave, and it may even seem unfair if you need to give up a lot of good things to leave it, but you are worth it. <3 <3

**THREE YEARS LATER**

Cara held three roses in her hands.  One for each of them, Ma, Da and Fergus.   She sat on her bench in front of them in quiet contemplation for a moment.

“I’m going to miss you all.  I leave for Denerim in a few minutes to meet Duke Gaspard.” She looked around at the grounds.  Highever had been her home forever, and now she was about to leave, possibly for the last time.  “His Majesty was wonderful to make this match for me.  I haven’t met the Duke yet, but the King says this marriage will help our relations with Rivain.  I look forward to meeting him.  I hope he’s as wonderful to me as you both are to each other.  And Fer, I just wish you were going with me.  You were always my best friend; it’ll feel strange not having you there.”

She saw Loghain approach from her side, standing a respectful distance away.  She knew he was there to walk her to the carriage.  She wiped a tear from her eye bending down to place a rose on each grave.  “I love you all.”

She rose to her feet and made her way to Loghain.  The plague had wiped out nearly half the population of Fereldan before it had burned itself out.  Her parents had passed two years ago, within days of each other.  Fergus fell to the illness four months later.  While she missed her parents, it was his death that had hit the hardest, watching her once strong brother, her protector, waste away to someone so weak that she had to feed him herself.  When he died, Cara had lost her zest for life.  She stopped practicing her archery, stopped fishing and hunting, and would have probably let herself die, if not for the knowledge that those that remained in Highever still needed her.  “Couslands are here to serve the people of Highever and Fereldan, not the other way around” her father had always told her.

Having been a minor, and a woman, when the rest of her family had passed, the King could have kicked her off her land, and stripped her of her title, and it would have been within his right.  Instead he named himself her guardian, and named the Hero of River Dane, Loghain Mac Tir as new Teyrn of Highever.  Loghain had proven to be a kind man, allowing Cara to continue living in Highever when he took over.   She had once asked him why he did.

“It’s for completely selfish reasons.” He had told her. “My wife has passed.  My daughter is the Queen and rarely has time for me now.  It feels nice to be needed by someone again.”

He had stayed true to his word.  Loghain had encouraged her to pick up her bow again.  He even taught her how to use a sword, although it was not something she was as good at.  When he found out she used to fish, he took her to the river.  She was reluctant to go the first time, but it soon became a regular outing for them.  She still missed her family deeply, but having Loghain there, almost as an uncle of sorts, helped the pain fade some.

Loghain took her hand as she approached him and placed it in the crook of his arm, patting it once.  “Are you nervous about meeting your intended?” he asked her.

“Yes.” Cara nodded.  While she had grown to a beautiful woman of 18, she still felt like that awkward teen she had once been.  She had helped the people of Highever rebuild after the plague, which included farming, mending fences, fixing homes, whatever needed to be done.  As a result, unlike the curves and softness of most noble women her age, she was lean and muscular.  Her once short blonde hair now came down her back in a large braid.

Loghain chuckled.  “I remember my Anora, how nervous she was on her wedding day.  You’ll be just fine.” Cara leaned her head on his arm as they walked to the carriage.  “You will have a new home, Cara.  But know, that Highever will always be open to you, anytime you and your Duke wish to stay, it is always your home.”

They stopped in front of the carriage, Loghain turned to look at her.  “It’ll be fine.  He’ll adore you, how could he not?” he kissed the top of her forehead and helped her into the carriage.

“Take care of them for me?” she asked, knowing she didn’t have to specify that she meant her family.

“Of course, my dear.” Loghain gave her a warm smile, waving as the carriage departed to take her to Denerim.

***

Denerim was just as Cara had remembered.  While the plague had hit here too, the city had rebuilt to its former glory.  The streets were full of people bustling around as the carriage made its way through and Cara just marveled at the sights.  Unlike Highever, which had rolling hills and farmlands, Denerim was lots of homes close together and merchants everywhere.  She wondered if her new home in Rivain would look anything like this.

When she arrived at the castle she was quickly taken to her room.  There the Queen’s handmaidens set to cleaning her and dressing her for dinner.  One woman brushed out her long tresses and weaved them into an intricate braid.

Two others helped Cara into a beautiful deep blue dress.  The torso was form fitting, moving into a flowing skirt.  A simple silver braided rope hung around the waist.  The sleeves were flowing down past her hands as was the fashion.

Cara looked at herself in the mirror that was before her.  The image back looked foreign to her.  She was much more comfortable in knickers and a shirt, but she had worn dresses on occasion for formal events.  _Well, at least there’s no ruffles_ she thought with a smirk. She took some lotion from a jar, one scented like Andraste's Grace and put it on her, the scent one of her favorites.

The guardsman came to lead her down to the dining hall, where she knew the King, Queen and Duke were awaiting her.  Cara placed her hand along her stomach to stop the butterflies.  She couldn’t remember feeling this way since the King’s wedding.  Then there had been a boy, with soft kisses, and warm hands that held her while they danced.  She remembered having butterflies then.  It wasn’t helped by the endless teasing she got from Fergus because of it either.  But that boy was long gone, she hadn’t seen him since that dance, his family having been found to be traitors to the crown and stripped of their lands.  Cara shook her head to clear it.  She should not be thinking of a youthful crush when on her way to meet her future husband.

The guardsman opened the door and Cara stepped through.  The Queen rose and Cara walked to her and bowed.  “Your Majesty” she said.  “Thank you for being gracious enough to invite me to your home.”

Anora took her hand for her to stand.  “It is my pleasure Lady Cousland.  The men should be along soon.  Tell me, how does my father fare?”

“He is well, my Queen.  He has been very kind to me, and he is a fair and caring Teyrn.” She nodded.

“And does he torment you with his lute playing?” the Queen asked her with a small smile.

“Only three of four times a week,” Cara giggled.

They both turned as they heard the large doors open again, bowing when they saw the King and another man enter.

“Rise,” King Cailan said with a smile.  He kissed Cara on both cheeks, “Lady Cousland, Cara, it is good to see you.  You arrived without any issues I assume?”

“I did Your Highness.  I thank you again.”  Cara nodded.

The King waved his hand as if to dismiss it. “Such formality, no one is here, so knock it off” he smiled to her with a wink.  “Allow me to introduce Duke Rylen Gaspard of Ravain.” He placed Cara’s hand in the Duke’s.

Cara looked to the man that would soon be her husband for the first time.  He had hair that was raven black, pulled into a short tail in the back.  His skin was slightly tanned like someone that had been in the sun all day.  His face had sharp features, but not unattractive.  He looked to be late twenties from what Cara could tell.  She wondered how Fergus would feel about her marrying someone practically ten years older.  The Duke took Cara’s hand to his lips.

“It is my honor to meet you, my lady,” he said, looking up with his eyes as he kissed the hand softly.

“My pleasure, kind Ser,” she curtseyed thinking how strange it felt to just be meeting him when in less than a month they would be husband and wife.

Dinner had been good.  The Duke had seemed to delight in telling stories about his homeland and his own adventures.  He painted a picture with his words and Cara could almost imagine herself there.

The King asked her about Highever, and Cara told her the same as she had told the Queen about the new Teyrn.  “I will miss it, but the Teyrn has promised that we could return whenever we might wish if I am missing it.” She smiled looking at the King.  Her smile faltered a little when she noticed the look of displeasure upon the Duke’s face.  She tried to run through what they were just talking about, but couldn’t determine just what she might have said to offend him.

Cara looked down to her soup and finished the meal without saying much of anything else.  Her stomach felt like it was in knots.  She hadn’t even made it through one stupid meal without offending her future husband.  She wished more than anything that Fergus was there.  Somehow he would have been able to help, she just knew.

***

_Thunk!_

_Andraste’s ass_ Cara thought, knowing better than to say it out loud in the castle.  She knew somewhere Fergus was laughing that she still kept pulling the arrows to the right – and probably at her cursing as well. 

She was grateful Loghain had encouraged her to take archery up again, it always helped her focus when she was nervous or unsure.  The dinner still worried her.  Cara was suddenly wishing her mother was still here.  She could have taught Cara proper etiquette.  Could have helped her so she didn’t do whatever it was that displeased the Duke so much last night.

Cara wiped a tear from her eye.  No point in crying now, she thought.  Ma is not here, and judging by the sun, it’s time to get back and cleaned up for lunch.  She pulled her arrows from the target and made her way back to her room.

She was about to enter the door to her room when she felt someone grab her upper arm hard and shove her in.  She turned around ready to fight her attacker and stopped surprised to find it was the Duke.  He had a look on his face like a snarl, and he was looking her up and down.  She was wearing trousers, but not form fitting ones, and a shirt that had once belonged to her brother.

“Are you _trying_ to embarrass me?” he snarled at her.

“What? No, what do you mean?” she asked, her mind racing to try to figure out what she had done.

“I don’t know what your family may have found acceptable, but no wife of mine will be seen in something like this” he moved his hand up and down to indicate her outfit, “ever!  Am I clear?”

“I was just returning from…”

His hand smacked her across the face so hard she nearly fell down.  Her jaw started to throb where he had hit her.

“Shut up, I didn’t ask you for some excuse.  You look like some peasant.  You are a noble, act like it.  And don’t think I missed that dig at me last night.”

“I am not sure what you mean,” she said, tears forming in her eyes from the anger.  If Fergus was here he would have laid the man on the ground for daring to touch his sister.

“That comment about how you’ll miss Highever.  As if Rivain would not be good enough for you.” He growled.

“That’s not what I was…”

He slapped her again, this time much harder, this time it did knock her to the ground.

“You will only speak when I tell you to,” he glared down at her.  “You are only a noble because the King has taken pity on you.  You will remember that you are to be my wife,” he yanked her to standing by her wrist.  Walking her back until she was pressed against the wall.   He grabbed her by the face to make her look him in the eye “You will learn to listen and do as I tell you.  No excuses when I tell you to do something,” His breath was hot on her face, her anger suddenly changed to fear.  “you will do it without exception.”

He stepped back, his face suddenly changing to a relaxed look, his voice now calm. “Clean yourself up, you’ll be late for lunch.” He turned and walked out of the room.

Cara continued to lean against the wall for support.  She could feel herself shaking.  Her face was throbbing and she was sure there would be bruises.  She closed her eyes and wondered what Fergus would tell her to do.  It occurred to her that she should talk with the King.  He’d always been generous to her, and would certainly be willing to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that skipped down here's the recap:  
> This chapter is 3 years after the last one  
> The Couslands (except Cara) all died in a plague two years prior,Loghain is the new Teyrn of Highland, and is kind  
> Cara met the man she was to marry, a Duke. He's a jerk, a big jerk.


	3. Escape

Cara cleaned herself, wiping the blood from her broken lip with a wet cloth, and changed into the dress that the Queen had leant her for the day.  She now found herself in front of the King’s office, knocking on the door.  She heard Cailan beckon her to enter.  He was scanning over some papers, and barely glanced up when she did.

“What can I do for you, Cara?” he asked, still reviewing the documents before him.

She took a deep breath and then told her what had just occurred in her room.  “I know you were very generous in matching me, your Highness.  And that you have been more than kind.  But I beseech you Ser, based on this, please call off the wedding.”

The King tented his fingers, placing them to his lips, and said nothing for several minutes.  Cara was sure he was processing what she had just said.  He was probably just as angry as she was, and was working out how to dissolve the engagement.

“I think, Lady Cousland, that you need to remember a few things.  The first is that you are an orphan, as such, that a Duke would even consider marriage to you is something you should appreciate.” The King shook his head.  “Perhaps this is my fault.  I indulged you in this need to act like a boy and a peasant instead of a noble, something Loghain clearly did not discourage either.”

Cara looked at him with shock.  Surely he couldn’t be ok with this.  The King had always been kind to her, but now, she wasn’t sure who this was.

“You will marry the Duke.  This is not about whatever whims are in your head.  The trade routes this opens with Rivain will be a boon to Fereldan.  We were hit hard by the blight, and this will help our people rebuild.  You will do your duty to your country, Lady Cousland, or I will have you hung for treason, am I clear?”

***

Cara stood in her room rocking herself to calm down.  She couldn’t believe the words that had come from Cailan.  She had always thought him a good man, now she wasn’t so sure.  She had tried to talk to Anora, but her only advice was “Try to not make him so upset then.”  It took all her will power not to roll her eyes at the Queen when she had said that.

She was wringing her hands, what she wanted to do was punch that blighted idiot right back.  Tell him he had some nerve thinking he could lay a hand on her.  But she stayed her hand, the King’s words ringing in her ears….

_You will do your duty to your country…_

_Couslands are here to serve the people of Highever and Fereldan…_

She sighed.  She wanted to fight, but the King had made it clear, she either go along with this, or be in the hangsman’s noose.

The door to her room opened, and she turned to find one of the King’s guards standing there.  He was a tall elf, with white hair and white tattoos along his skin.  He said nothing, but looked at her face, his face twitched slightly when his eyes fell upon her bruises, but he said nothing.  He moved to the side allowing a young woman to enter.  “Healer for you,” he said in a thick Tevene accent.

The healer held her hands up,  glowing blue as Cara could feel the ache in her jaw disappear.  She was sure the bruises would be fading too.

When the healer stepped away she looked back to the guard.  He had been keeping a close look on her the whole time. He nodded to her, and then he and the healer made their way out.

***

That evening there was a reception to officially present the couple to the nobles of the royal court in Denerim.  Cara had secretly wished that Loghain could be there, maybe he could make his son-in-law see reason, but she knew the Teyrn would not be attending.

Cara arrived at the door, the Duke stood beside her.  He grasped her hand and squeezed.  “Couldn’t stop yourself from running to the King.” He snarled in her ear. “Maybe once I get you fat with child you’ll learn to settle.”

Cara felt as if she’d be physically ill.  The thought of laying with this man, much less carrying his child disgusted her.  The doors to the ball opened.  The same white haired guard from before was there.  He looked to the Duke, and Cara was sure there was a sign of displeasure in his eyes, but just as before, he said nothing as they passed.

She stood by his side through the festivities, greeting other nobles as they came up with their well wishes.  She would smile, but said nothing unless he requested her to, not wanting to incite more anger.  Inside however, she was desperately trying to figure out a way out of this.  Something that did not involve a noose, hopefully.

When the evening was done, the Duke escorted her to her door.  She braced herself for what might come next, and was shocked when instead, he took her hand lightly, and brought it to his lips.  He was acting just as charming as he had the first night she had met him.

“You were exquisite tonight, my love.” He said, a hand coming up to push some hair back from her face as he brushed his thumb along her cheek.  “I will see you in the morrow.”   He then bowed and left.  Not a sign of the violent, angry man from that morning.

Cara entered her room and immediately took a wet cloth from the basin, wiping off where he had kissed her hand.    She then stripped from her dress, changing into a linen shirt and night pants.  Around her neck sat chain with a gold heart hanging from it.  Fergus had given it to her the night of the King’s wedding.

 _“So that you can feel as pretty as you are despite the ruffles.”_ He had said when he’d placed it around her neck.  He always seemed to know how to make everything alright.  And now, when she needed him the most, he was gone.  She wanted to do what was right, wanted to help her country.  But this just felt wrong.  There’s no way her father would have gone along with this.  She ran her thumb along the necklace as she thought, feeling as if it connected her to Fergus.

_Run!_

The thought fell in her ears.  She felt as if Fergus was beside her. _Run, Pup!_

She stood up, changed into the leather pants she wore from earlier, and her brother’s old shirt.  She packed her lotion, and a few things from her family she couldn't bear to leave behind. She took one last look at her room and then sprang over the balcony, climbing down the wall.  She was suddenly grateful for all those years they had climbed trees in their youth, looking for deer.

She was nearly the whole way to the exit, she could see the gate in sight.  Suddenly a guard stepped out to block her way.  _Crap!_ She thought.  There was no way she was going to be able to explain this.  This would mean the noose for sure.  She looked up.  It was the elf.  _Of course it is_ she thought.  She had to get caught by one of the top men, of course.

The elf looked at her, and then at the gate.  Cara gulped, wondering if she’d be able to take him in a fight.  Based on the size of the blade stuck to his back, she guessed not.

“You have two hours.  Then I tell them that I saw some men drag you off.” The elf said, and then stepped out of the way, leaving the gate open.

Cara looked up at him in disbelief.  “Thank you” she whispered and made her way out of the gate, slinking her way through the shadows of Denerim.  Once outside the city she made her way to a nearby farm and grabbed a horse.  When she felt they were far enough away that no one could hear her she jumped onto the horse and kicked it into a fast run as far south as she could get.

***

Cara was terrified at first, certain that at any moment the King’s guards would surround her and drag her back.  As the night wore on, though, she relaxed, and realized the elf must have stayed true to his word.

She stopped the horse, and hopped off.  She threw the reins back over its neck and then gave it a whack on the behind causing it to take off back in the direction they had come.  She hoped it was enough to throw anyone that found it off of where she was.  She continued along, as close to the trees as she could.  She wasn’t sure exactly where she was, but it was very quiet.  She hadn’t even seen another farm for several miles.

She let out a breath she’d been holding the last few hours.  She’d actually done it.  She had no idea where she was or what she was going to do next, but she was away from that monster.  She opened her eyes and started moving south again.

She got about three feet before a large man stepped in front of her.

“Well, what do we have here sneaking around?  A spy no doubt,” the man said, looking to another, smaller man on his left.

Cara looked up, noticing a charm in the man’s ear.  She looked to the other man.  He had the same charm, but on a necklace.  _Brilliant, Cara_ she thought _.  You escape the Duke and stumble upon the Crows._

The two men each grabbed one of her arms dragging her off into the woods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, Nate shows up next Chapter!!


	4. The Crows

Nate sat crouched behind a bush.  In the field below, lit only by moonlight stood a large deer, grazing.  It would be enough to feed half the camp. He listened quietly, hearing no other noises to indicate danger.

He was dressed in black, head to toe,  helping to keep him hidden in the dark.  His black hair just past his shoulders, hanging free.  He had stubble, it being difficult to have a close shave in the forest.  Around his neck was a silver chain with a charm.  Attached to his shirt, a sprig of Andraste’s Grace.  He kissed the flower once for luck, and notched his arrow.

Holding his breath, he let the arrow go, and watched as it landed true, hitting the large beast in the heart, felling him within a few steps.  He rose, slinging his bow across his back.  He was no longer the scrawny, noble teen.  Years in the forest had turned him muscular and hard.  He took a step towards the deer and then stopped. 

“What is it, Hawke?” he asked without turning around.

“Dammit, thought I’d sneak up on you this time,” the man chuckled.  “How do you always know, Boss?”

“Because, I’m the boss.  I’m assuming you came out here to disturb my hunt for a reason?” he asked, giving the man a smile.

“Yeah, we found someone, some woman sneaking around near camp.  A spy maybe.  The boys have her tied up ready for you to talk to, Boss.” Hawke explained. “Or whatever.  She sorta smells like that flower you like.”

Nate lifted an eyebrow.  “Help me carry the deer.  Then we’ll see what we have at camp.”

***

Cara sat in the camp on a tree stump.  Her hands were tied in front of her.  The large brute that had dragged her in her had gone wandering off saying something about getting “the Boss”.    She wasn’t really looking forward to that.        She looked around.  A large blonde man was standing in front of her, his back to her.  Other men were gathering around, but none seemed willing to try to pass the blonde.   The look in their eyes made it pretty clear they had not seen a woman in some time, something that suddenly made her very grateful for the blonde in front of her.  Her luck would almost be funny, if her life wasn’t constantly in danger lately, she thought to herself.

Across camp she saw two men come into the clearing carrying a dead deer.  She recognized one as the big brute from earlier, as she had taken to calling him.  She guessed the equally large man behind him was the boss.  _Maker_ , she thought, _what do they feed these men!_

They tossed the deer to the ground, and the “Boss” said something to a few of the men that had been leering at her, they turned and carried the deer off.  He made his way to where she sat, the others parting to allow him through.  Cara gulped as he approached, suddenly feeling nervous.

***

Nate pulled a few of the men aside and instructed them to prepare the deer for tonight’s meal.  He made his way over to where the spy was being held.  He could see Al standing in front, keeping the curious away.  The men parted as he moved through the crowd.   Coming to the front he looked to the spy, finally understanding the comment Garrett had made about the flowers.  He said nothing for a moment, just staring at her.  He half wondered if this was real, perhaps he was really passed out in his tent, drunk from some of Oghren’s ale and this was an alcohol induced dream.  Sitting behind Al was the object of his thoughts late at night, when he was alone in his tent.  He never thought he’d see her again, and yet now here she was, not five feet away.

She looked up, it was clear she didn’t recognize him based on the fear that was in her eyes, despite what was clearly her trying to look unafraid.  He turned and looked at the crowd.  “Leave” he growled and they all fled like rats.  Her guard started to leave, but Nate put a hand up to tell him to stay.

He turned back around looking down at her.  “Cara” he said.  “What in the Maker are you doing here?”

Cara looked up at the “Boss”.  How did he know her name she wondered.  She looked up, he was tall, and built like a warrior.  His clothes hung loose, but she could tell there was muscles underneath.    Her eyes continued up, he had a strong jaw with stubble on it.  She stopped when she reached his eyes. “Nate?” she asked barely above a whisper.

Nate crouched down in front of her.  He reached over pushing a hair behind her ear, needing to touch her to reassure himself she was real.  She flinched slightly at his touch, causing him to pull his hand back.  “Cara, I’m not going to hurt you, but I need to know why you’re here.”

She looked up again, into his eyes.  “I don’t even know where here is.  I was just trying to… go somewhere.”

“Did King Cailan send you to look for us?” Nate asked, watching her face for any sign that she was lying.

Cara shook her head.  “I was running away from Denerim.  I told you, I don’t know where here is.  Besides the Crow encampment, obviously.”  She explained when Nate raised her eyebrow.  “I saw that guy’s earring, and another’s necklace.”

Nate moved his hands to the ropes around her wrists.  “I’m going to take this off, ok?  Can I trust you, or is Al over there going to have to deal with you?”  When she shook her head, he untied them, rubbing her wrists after he did to help the circulation.

“So, you’re the Crow leader than?” she asked.  “Being a traitor wasn’t enough?”

Nate flinched as if hit and ran his hand over his face.  “Yes, and I’m not a traitor.  Cailan made that up to seize our land.” He snarled.

“Why would he do that?” she asked, not believing him.

“You come here saying you’re running from Denerim, which I assume to mean the King, why?” Nate asked, ignoring her question.

“He wanted me to…. do something I didn’t want to.  He said if I didn’t he’d have me hung.” She looked down at the ground.

The blonde, Al, snorted.  “Sounds just like his m.o.”

Nate nodded to Al.

“But I don’t understand, he’s always been so nice.  I don’t know what changed.” Cara said, kicking the dirt.  Nate reached out and helped her stand.

“If he was nice, it was only because he wanted or needed something from you.” Al said.

Cara looked back at Nate, he nodded.  “He is not the man he seems to be.  Don’t believe me, meet his brother, Alistair.”

Ari looked to the tall blonde again.  Somehow she had missed how much he looked like the King until now.  “He was so excited finding out about me, he tried to have me killed.” Alistair said with a smirk.

Nate ran his eyes over Cara.  “Do you have any weapons?”

She shook her head.

“So you ran off in the night with no protection?  When Fergus finds out he’s not going to be happy.” Nate told her.

“He’s not going to have much to say about it.” She mumbled looking down to the dirt again.

Nate let out a sigh, and looked around the camp.  “Come, you’ll stay in my tent tonight and then we’ll get you back to your family.”

Cara gave him a look, “I don’t know what you think…”

“It’s just so you’ll be safe.” Nate interrupted.  “None of my men will touch you if you’re under my protection.”

***

Cara sat in Nate’s tent on the edge of the cot there.  Looking around she could see he had very few belongings.  She wondered what his life had been like the last three years.  She looked over as she heard the tent flap open.  Nate entered carrying two plates with meat.  He handed her one and then sat next to her.

They ate in silence for several minutes.  Nate tried to steady his heart.  He could smell the scent of Andraste’s Grace coming off her skin.  A scent he’d always associated with her.

“Where’s the rest of your family?” she asked quietly.

He looked over at her.   “Del met someone and got married.  My father and Thomas took off for the Free Marches after Cailin seized our lands.”

“And you stayed here?” she asked.  He nodded prompting her to ask “Why?”

“These men,” he pointed around, to indicate the camp. “Cailan’s taken their land, or worse to each of them.  Someone needs to stand up to him, protect those that are left.”  _And because of you_ , he left that part unspoken.  “We’ll take you back to your family tomorrow.”

She put  her plate down and stood, looking towards the flap, rubbing her fingers along the heart charm.  Nate came up in front of her, his hand coming up to touch the heart over her fingers.  He looked into her eyes, and saw the tears starting to form.  “Did something happen to Fergus?”

She nodded.  “The plague.  All of them are gone,” she whispered as tears started to fall.

Nate pulled her against his chest, his arms wrapping around her  back.  She leaned into him, and sobbed.  Nate rested his cheek along her head, breathing in her scent.  “I’m sorry, Car.” He ran his hand over her back, thinking how wrong it felt that while she was so broken hearted, his heart was soaring at feeling her in his arms again.


	5. Archery

“There’s reports of a Hurlock spotting here, by the Gregor Farm” Alistair pointed to the map.  “Most likely there’s others.”

Nate shook his head eyes never leaving the map.  “And let me guess, Denerim can’t _afford_ to send help.”

“None that our spies have seen,” Alistair shook his head in response.

“Any word from your contacts in Orlais?”

“We should expect them soon; probably in a month at most.  Until then we have to do what we can to keep the Darkspawn at bay.”

Nate nodded, still looking over the map.  “Ok.  Send Oghren, Rylen and Miller to lend aide to Gregor.” He sighed, “They’re reaching further south.  This is the fourth sighting this week.   How is it Cailan can’t see this is increasing?”

“And people think I’m the stupid brother,” Alistair chuckled.

“Yeah, well I made you my second.  How smart does that make me?” Nate looked up from the map with a wry smile.

Nate rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands.  Not only were things looking worse on the lands, but lack of sleep from the night before was starting to wear on him.

He had tried sleeping, laying out his bedroll near the entrance to his tent to assure no one could enter without his knowledge.  But his thoughts kept wandering to the woman on his cot.  Based on how much she was moving around, she did not seem to be having a restful dreams.  His thoughts drifted to the last time  he had seen her.  It had been at the King’s wedding.

***

 

 

_Nate watched as she entered the room on Fergus’ arm.  Her dress definitely had the ruffles she had been complaining about, but he thought she looked beautiful just the same.  The Cousland duo made their way to where Nate and his brother, Thomas, were standing._

_“Maker” Nate whispered, taking a gulp of the punch.  His throat suddenly feeling parched.  Next to him Thomas chuckled at him._

_“Thomas, Nate,” Cara greeted them both with a small courtesy when they stopped in front of them._

_Nate realized he wasn’t doing a good job of hiding his admiration of Cara based on the amused smirk Fergus was giving him.  He noticed a slight blush appear on her cheeks, her eyes darting away._

_Nate blinked, coming to his senses.  “Hi, Car,” he smiled at her, feeling himself blush a little. “I…uh..like your…uh…necklace.” He internally groaned.  What was wrong with him? Her necklace?_

_To his surprise she lit up at what he said. “Thanks.  Fergus gave it to me today.”_

_Nate relaxed.  Through dumb luck he’d managed to give her just the right compliment.  He knew Cara idolized her big brother.  Fergus seemed to adore her just the same.  It seemed like since she could walk she and Fergus were never apart.  Nate envied their relationship.  His brother always seemed to be in angry competition with him, and his sister never seemed to want anything to do with anything that wasn’t stupid girl stuff.  He was pretty sure Delilah would break into hives if she ever had to climb a tree._

_“Hey, Fer.  There’s….” Cara held her hands out from her chest to symbolize large breasts.  Fergus blushed while the other three laughed._

***

Nate shook his head, deciding he needed a walk to clear his head.  He headed towards the far end of camp.

“So… meeting over then?” Alistair chuckled as Nate had walked away.

Nate leaned against a tree outside of the camp.  He wished he had known about the Couslands deaths.  By then he’d already been in hiding.  Would he have risked his life by going to Highever if he had known, he wondered.  _Probably_ , he thought.  He wished he had been there to help her then, especially when Fergus had died.  He was sure that death would have sent her world spinning more than any other.  He knew how much she had loved her brother, and when he had seen her handling the heart the night before, he knew, even before he had asked, that something had happened to the man.

He pushed himself off from the tree.  Regret for something that had happened two years ago was not going to be helpful.  Much as he’d like to devote his thoughts to her, he had a camp of men dependant on him.  He’d figure out some way to help, but he couldn’t lose focus on those that needed him.  Walking through camp, he nodded to the men who turned as he passed.  He stopped when he reached the path to the archery range and shook his head with a chuckle.  Clearly the Maker had a sense of humor, and his own plans.

***

Cara didn’t fare much better at getting sleep.  Every time she closed her eyes she saw Gaspard leering over her.  He kept telling her she was not free, that he would find her and drag her back to Rivain.  At one point in the night she had actually awoken with a start, sure that he was in the tent.  She looked around frantically, her eyes finally falling upon Nate, who was sleeping on his side facing away from her near the entrance.  No one would have been able to get in without awakening him.  Her breathing calmed slightly realizing this.

Cara hugged herself, feeling so alone.  She watched Nate’s even breathing as he slept.  She was trying to reconcile in her mind the stories she had heard of the wicked and cruel Crow Master with the man, an old friend, that had held her last night while she cried for her long gone family mixed with the fear from Denerim.  Until that moment she hadn’t let out the fear.  It felt cathartic to let it out.  She had never said a word, just sobbed while he held her close and tried to assure her.  She continued to watch him, wondering if he would hold her again like he had done earlier.  If she were to crawl in to his bedroll, would that keep the nightmares of the Rivaini Duke at bay for the night?

Fear kept her rooted to the cot.  She realized that while her heart was still thinking of him as that same 17 year old boy she had danced with, her mind told her to be wary, that she no longer knew who he really was anymore.  It reminded her that if the stories she’d heard of him were true, he may be little better than the King or Duke.

Cara awoke the next morning and looked around the tent.  Nate was already gone, his bedroll put away along the side.  She stretched and pushed herself off the cot.  Coming out of the tent she found the smaller of the men that had captured her waiting.  He seemed to sense her nervousness, as he flashed her a warm smile.

“Garrett Hawke, my lady,” he bent into an overly exaggerated bow.  “Everyone here just calls me Hawke, though.  Care to follow me to breakfast?”  He held out his bent arm for her to take it.

“I’m sure I can find my way, thanks.” She replied, eyeing him nervously as she remembered some of the lecherous looks  some of the men had been giving her the previous night.

“Yeah, well Boss says I have to keep close to you, so you’re kinda stuck with me.  I promise, I don’t bite.” He wiggled his bent arm.

Cara sighed, “Fine, lead the way.”

Cara kept an eye on Hawke as they ate.  He seemed to be honestly jovial and didn’t seem to take himself too seriously, joking with those around him, usually at his own expense.  She found it hard to keep her guard up around him.

“So, is Nate have you follow me so I can’t escape?” she asked while diving into the eggs.

Hawke shook his head.  “Boss didn’t say nothing about not letting you leave.”  He pointed around with his fork, “Most of these men are good men.  Farmers and merchants in their old life.  But some, well it’s not like we have an interview process before you join up.  There’s some here that will think nothing of doing something to you, even with the Boss making it clear you’re off limits.”

“But he trusts you?” she asked raising an eyebrow.

“Me and Al.  You probably didn’t notice in the dark last night, but he turns the color of a tomato if a woman so much as talks to him,” he took a bite of toast.” So I think you’re pretty safe around him.  As for me, well you’re cute and all, but you don’t have the right _equipment_ for my liking if you get what I mean.”

Cara nodded and relaxed more, pushing her plate aside having finished her meal.

“So, now that food is done, what would you like to do now, my lady?”

“Call me Cara.  Is there a shooting range?” she asked, finally returning his smile.

“Right this way, my la…. Cara” he held an arm straight out to point the way.

***

Cara sat on the bench by the range starting to pull her hair into a braid.

“Need some help?” Hawke asked.

“ _You_ know how to braid?” Cara asked surprised.

He nodded, “I have a younger sister.  She fled with my mother.  Have a brother too, Carver.  You don’t want to meet him, he’s a pain.” He laughed.

Garrett made quick work of her braid.  She was impressed, “You weren’t kidding about knowing how to do this, Thanks.”

He nodded.  “Just one of my services as a big brother.  I can also tease you mercilessly until you cry if you need.”

Cara laughed.  “I think I’ll pass, thanks.” She picked up the bow and notched the arrow.  It hit to the right again.

“Aren’t you supposed to hit the red dot in the center?” Garrett asked.

Cara rolled her eyes at him, and then let a small smile ghost across her lips as she noticed Nate at the top of the path watching.

***

Nate made his way down the path, his eyes on her the whole time.  When he reached where they stood.  Hawke excused himself, giving Nate a sideways glance and a smile as he did.

“You aren’t keeping your arms straight in the follow through” Nate said, nodding to the arrow in the target.

Cara took aim, trying to follow his instruction, and shot.

_Thunk_

“Dammit”

Nate chuckled behind her.  “Here, let me show you.  Get into your stance.”

Cara gripped her bow, and stood as if to shoot.  Nate walked up behind her watching her form.  He placed both hands on the calf of her front leg and smirked as he faced away when he heard her breath hitch.  He ran his hand along the calf, showing her to turn it slightly.  She allowed him to move it, her eyes never leaving him.  Cara felt tingles run through her the minute he had placed his hand on her leg. Nate stood up and aligned himself along her back.

He was painfully aware of how close to her he was now and took a few seconds to relax the butterflies in his stomach.  When they had calmed, he placed his hands on her hips. 

Cara felt her heard pick up pace, sure he could hear how much it was pounding.  When she felt his hands touch her hips, her mouth went dry.  She could feel the heat of them through her shirt.  An unfamiliar fluttering gathered in her lower abdomen.

Nate twisted her hips slightly and stepped closer, leaving them on her hips for a moment longer than necessary.  With one arm he reached around to her far arm, placing his hand around hers as it held the arrow.  His other arm he laced with the hand holding the bow in front of her.

Cara was very aware of how her body was now pressed flush against his.  His scent of sandalwood and something that was distinctly ‘Nate’ filled her nose.  She realized she ached for more.  She didn’t know more of what, she just knew she wanted him to touch more.  She could feel his breath on her ear, and a shiver ran down her.  When he spoke, deep and low in her ear, she could feel a heat in her smalls and it was suddenly hard to breath.

“Pull back, keeping straight.  Keep your body still,” he whispered, licking his lips that had run dry.  He was fighting his body’s reaction to her proximity to him.  He looked at the pulse beating in her neck.  He imaged what it would feel like to press his lips there.  Nate desperately wanted to hear what sounds she’d make if he did.

He blinked, trying to refocus on the lesson.  Every cell in his body was crying out for him to put the bow down and turn her around in his arms.  Why did he think this was a good idea?

“Keep your hand on the string with a light touch,” he gulped.  His lips were just a hair from her lobe.  He could hear a small moan escape her lips when he spoke.  He needed to get away from here, soon.  They were out in the open, and much more of this and he was sure his tentative hold on control would snap.

They pulled back the string and the arrow flew, hitting the bullseye dead center.  Nate stepped back from her reluctantly, his body already bemoaning the loss of hers.

He coughed and mumbled something about needing to see scouting reports.  He took off towards camp at a fast pace, cursing himself for his cowardice.

Cara watched him retreat, trying to steady her own breath.  She had never felt anything like that before.  She took a deep breath, wondering how she could go about finding a new pair of smalls as hers seemed to be uncomfortably wet.  She noticed Hawke making his way back to her, and she rolled her shoulders, hoping that she was not blushing too much.


	6. Hunting

 Garrett and Cara sat for dinner, Alistair joining them, sitting next to Cara.

“So, you’re Alistair?  Thanks for protecting me last night I guess.” She looked up to the man.

He looked to her, turning red quickly, “Um.. yeah… sure…ok”

Garrett mouthed ‘Told you so’ to her from across the table, causing Cara to cover a giggle.

Alistair introduced the others around the table.  “This is Teagan, sort of my uncle.”

Teagan nodded.  “I remember you, Lady Cousland.  You were still a young girl last I saw you, though.”

Alistair pointed to a Qunari, “Sten”, and then to a dark haired man, “Daveth.  There’s others, but Boss has them on a job right now.”

“So, you knew the Boss, from before I mean?” Garrett asked her.

Cara nodded.  “Pretty much forever.  He  was my brother’s best friend.  I haven’t seen Nate in three years  though, until last night.”

Another man sat next to her.  “So, are you just here to keep the Boss’ bed warm or are you going to actually help us before you run back to your noble castle?” he asked, eyeing her up and down.

Cara turned, ready to confront the accusations but Garrett interrupted.  “You’re just _so_ good with making friends, Carver.” He then turned to Cara.  “I told you that you didn’t’ want to meet him.”

Cara shook her head, apparently Carver wasn’t done though.  “What, you’re all going to just ignore the fact that she’s one of them because she’s easy on the eyes?”

“You would do good to remember she’s the Boss’ guest.  So unless you want to be on kitchen duty and nothing else, I’d mind what comes out of your mouth, understood?” Alistair had turned to look at Carver, eyes glaring at him.

Carver stood up, taking his plate with him, stalking off to another table.

“Thanks,” Cara said, looking back to Alistair, who blushed again.

***

Nate waited until he was sure she was asleep before entering his tent.  He had avoided her all night.  He knew he was being a coward, but he needed time to think.  Had it been any other woman, he would have just taken her into the woods and been done with it.  But this wasn’t any other woman, this was Cara Cousland.  This was the woman that had invaded his private thoughts for the last three years.  Probably even longer than that if he was being honest with himself.  He was still struggling between the thrill in having her here and the worry about _why_ she was here, and what it would mean for the men in the camp.

Garrett had told him that she was adjusting well.  She seemed to be starting to trust Garret, so maybe she’d tell him what she was doing in the woods when they had found her.  He looked over to where Cara slept.  So many times he’d dreamed of her right where she was now, in his cot.  Of course, in those dreams, he was in the cot with her, and there was a lot less clothing on either of them.

Nate ran his fingers through his hair.  The scent of Andraste’s Grace filled the tent, a scent he always associated with her.   He sighed.  He’d need to figure out what to do soon, before she drove him insane just by being near.  But that would have to be another time, as sleep took him. He dreamt of easier days, when they had been younger, and laughter had come easier.  He wished that he hadn’t waited so long to have kissed her, but then, he had no way of knowing that just a few months later he’d be on the run.

***

Cara awoke to find that once again Nate was already awake and gone.  She heard him enter the tent late that night, she would have panicked about who it was, except that she knew Alistair had been outside the tent when she fell asleep.  She worried, it was obvious he was avoiding her.  Had she angered him like she did Gaspard? Was he going to tell her to leave the camp? Would he hurt her?  She worried her bottom lip while she dressed.

Exiting the tent she found Hawke sitting on the ground.  When he saw her exit, he stood up and dusted himself off with a smile.  “Breakfast?” He asked holding out his arm.

Cara wrapped her hand around his bicep.  “Maybe just a walk?  I’m sorta not feeling like eating.”

Hawke nodded, “Sure, fine with me.  Babysitting you gets me out of cleanup duty anyway.”

Cara punched his arm playfully as he led her across camp.  He led her to a nearby pond where he placed his jacket down for her to sit.

“So, why so quiet today?  What’s wrong,” Hawke asked, “I mean besides running away and being captured by the Crows.” He winked at her.

Cara gave him a small smile.  She liked Hawke, there was something about him that was reassuring.  He reminded her a little of Fergus.  Thinking of him, she touched her necklace.

“You all…. Well you’re not what I expected.” She said.

Hawke nodded.  “Because of the stories you’ve heard?” She nodded, and he continued.  “The stories from the nobles that we rob.  Yeah, they couldn’t possibly have any reason to exaggerate about us.”

Cara looked at him.  She’d never considered that point before.  “So you don’t…”

“Look, at the risk of damaging our reputation I’ll level with you.  Basically just about everyone here was just normal, everyday farmer.  Then the oh so honorable King of ours started snatching up peoples lands.  If he had to, he’d make false accusations, like he did to the Boss’ family.  Soldiers would push people off their own farms.  Sometimes they’d snatch up the women and drag them off with them.  Those that were lucky fled.  But these ones here, they decided to join up with the Boss, and fight back.” Hawke explained.

“Sometimes the King would give the land to some of his noble friends, so that’s when we started chasing them back off.  Anything we steal from them either goes to fill bellies here, buy supplies, or help the local people keep what’s theirs.”

“Still.  I heard you…”, she looked down unsure of how to continue without risking his anger.

“Rape and murder?” Hawke asked with a raised eyebrow.  Cara nodded.  “We don’t.  I mean, no rapes, anyone that does Boss deals with personally, he won’t tolerate it.  As for murder, none intentionally.  Sometimes we have to, to protect someone, or ourselves, but we don’t seek out Nobles to kill.  We just want to scare them off.  Make it so the land is less desirable for the King to snatch up.”

“So then Nate doesn’t..”

“He’s a good man.” Hawke said looking her eye.  “Wouldn’t follow him if he wasn’t.  I think he just allows the stories of him to run around because it helps put fear into those that take up our land.  If they think the Crow Master is some sadistic mad man, they’re less likely to try to fight back when he shows up.  You’d be surprised how often they just turn tail and run when the boss shows up.”

Cara nodded.  What he was saying made sense, and helped her reconcile the two versions of Nate. 

“Is that all that’s bothering you?” Hawke asked looking at her face for a sign.

“I just…. Well I think I made Nate mad at me, but I’m not sure what I did,” she said, playing with a blade of grass.

Hawke let out a belly laugh.  “Sorry,” he said when she cocked her head at him.  “It’s just, well, I think anger is the farthest thing from what he feels about you.”

Cara shook her head, “I don’t understand.  He’s been avoiding me, and when I do see a peek of him, he quickly looks away.”

Hawke gave her a smile and took one of her hands between his and patted it.  “Let me put it this way.  The Boss, he always has an Andraste’s Grace in his vest.  I always thought it was a little odd, his obsession with the flower.  Now that I’ve met you, and your perfume, lotion, whatever, I get it. “

Cara shook her head still not understanding.

Hawke chuckled, “Maker, you’re as clueless as Al.  Look, he carries flowers that smell like you.  Anytime we talk about women, he gets this far off look, like he’s thinking about someone specific.  That’s you, darling.” He poked her in the arm. “Ever since you showed up, he’s had this goofy look on his face.  He tries to scowl to hide it, but I can see it.”

Cara looked to the water and tried to process what Hawke was telling her.  Nate still had feelings for her, probably had all these years.  A smile came to her face and she could feel her cheeks redden.

“There you go, catching up now,” Hawke teased.

***

Cara sat in the tent, wringing her hands.  The realization of Nate’s feelings making her feel giddy and nervous at the same time.  She knew she was feeling something too, and hearing from Hawke that he really wasn’t what she had heard, made her feel better.  She looked up when she heard him enter.

“Oh… um… I didn’t know you’d be here.  I can leave if you want to be alone.” Nate fumbled.

“It’s your tent, Nate.” She said standing up.  “I can leave if you …”

“NO!” he winced realizing he hadn’t meant to yell. “I mean, stay, it’s fine.  So, you ok?  Hawke said you had a run in with his brother yesterday.”

Cara shook her head, “No, it’s fine.  Alistair scared him off, and then I think I scared Alistair.”

Nate smirked at her, “Yeah, women seem to have that effect on him.”

“Have you decided what to do with me?” she asked, now that he was finally looking up.

Nate gulped.  That was certainly a loaded question, he thought, even though he knew that wasn’t remotely what she meant.  “Not yet.  I need to know what happened, why did you run?”

Now it was Cara’s turn to look away.  She turned and faced the back of the tent.  She was certainly not going to tell Nate the truth.  If he knew what she had allowed to happen, that she hadn’t even fought back.  Well, she was certain he wouldn’t look at her the same.  He certainly wouldn’t be thinking about her with far away looks anymore.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she said softly turning back around.

Nate sighed, “You can be really difficult, you know that?” he sounded slightly annoyed.  He raised his hand to cup her cheek, hoping that if she could look into his eyes, she would see that she could trust him.

But when he got close, she flinched.  It had not been the first time she’d flinched around him, and it was starting to concern him.  “Cara?” he asked, trying to catch her eyes.  “Cara, you know your safe in here, right?  I won’t hurt you.”

She nodded but still didn’t look up, her arms holding herself in a hug.

Nate watched her, unable to figure out why she was so scared of him all of a sudden.  “Fine.” He grumbled.

“I don’t want to be a burden here, Nate.” She said softly.

“You’re not, Car.  You never could be,” he watched her, still wary.

She held her hand up, “To you, maybe.  To the others I’m just some woman in your tent.  Warming your bedroll as a few had said.”

Nate blushed at that.  Did they really think that about her?  He hadn’t considered that possibility before.  But even worse was the images it was putting in his head. Thoughts of her, in his cot, writhing underneath him, crying out his name for the whole camp to hear.  He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, those would lead down a dangerous path when they were both here, in his tent, alone.

“There must be some way I can help around here, at least until you decide what you want to do with me.”

Nate felt his cheeks start to warm again, her wording once again pushing him down that path.  He nodded.  “I think that’s a good idea.  Al and I are going to hunt for more deer tomorrow.  It’ll be a ways off from camp.  Why don’t you come with us, it’ll be like it used to.”

Cara looked up and smiled at him with a nod.  “I’d like that.”

***

“So, who’s the dame?” Oghren asked looking away from the table with the map on it.

“A guest of mine.  Old friend.” Nate answered.

“So, first time there’s a woman in camp, and you snatch her up.  Good to be the boss.” Oghren grumbled turning back to the map.

“Something like that,” Nate shook his head. “Aren’t you supposed to be giving me a report from the farm?”

“Right.  So we found three Hurlocks.  One was bearing down on Rylen so I…”

Nate looked up suddenly distracted by a woman yelling from across the camp.  He turned and ran off in the direction of the ruckus.

“We’ll get your debrief later,” Alistair nodding following where the leader went.

Nate pushed his way through the crowd that was gathering, they parted quick enough when they saw who he was.  When he got to the center he could see Carver, with something in his hand.  Cara was trying to get at him, tears rolling down her eyes while a snarl was on her face.  Hawke was between the two  them.

“Give it back to me you ass!” Cara was yelling.

“No, you nobles all think you’re so good.  Do you have any idea how much food and supplies this can buy? It’s time you contributed!” Carver growled.

“Carver! Maker stop this, this isn’t helping and when Boss finds out…”, Hawke started.

“He already did!” Nate snarled.  “What’s going on here?”

He immediately regretted snapping when he saw Cara’s face turn to fear and she hid behind Hawke.  Something was definitely wrong, the Cara he knew was fearless.  But he’d have to deal with that later he decided.

“Your _friend_ ,” Carver started, not very veiled in his insinuation, “is holding out on us.  This can be sold, and help the cause instead of sitting around her neck”

Carver held out his hand, which contained a gold chain and a heart.

Nate snatched it out of his hand and quickly stepped so that he was hovering over him.  “I don’t know how they do things in Lothering, but around here we _don’t_ attack guests.  You are on a very thin rope with me, Carver.  Keep pushing and even Hawke won’t be able to save you.”

Cara knew the necklace was broken.  Her last gift from Fergus was lost to her, because of that selfish prick.  She turned, unwilling to run, but instead walked as fast as she could to the tent, but definitely not in a run.

Nate walked off to the blacksmith.

Alistair stood with his arms across his chest, watching Nate walk off.  Carver started to turn to walk off, when Alistair growled. “I thought I told you before to stay away from her.  Since you can’t seem to remember that, a week in the Brig followed by a week of kitchen duty.”

***

Alistair and Cara followed Nate through the woods, tracking two deer.  Nate gave a hand signal, and Alistair broke off from the two of them to circle the other way around the clearing.  Cara followed Nate, the two of them ducking behind a tree to watch.  Nate signaled to her to ready her bow.  Before she had a chance, Nate pulled her back behind the tree, covering her with his body, pining her between himself and the tree.  She was about to ask him what in the Maker he thought he was doing, when he held is finger up to signal to be quiet.  He then pointed, where a creature, that looked like it might have been a man at one point, stumbled by. 

“Darkspawn” Nate whispered to her.

Cara held her breath.  While Nate continued to keep an eye on the creature, she looked up, watching his face.  She traced his jaw with her eyes, up to his cheek, and to his eyes.  He turned to face her, looking back into hers.  Cara could feel the heat rolling off his body.  Nate moved closer.  She could feel his body press against hers completely.  Her body sang at the feel  of him.  She wanted more.  Cara moved her hands to Nate’s hips, pulling his hips closer to hers.  He still hadn’t taken his eyes off of hers.  She could feel the intensity of this stare, and she felt like she was melting.

Nate’s eyes wandered down her face, falling upon her lips. It had been three years since he had last kissed her.  Were those lips still just as soft?  Would her kiss still be as wonderful as he remembered in the dark of his tent at night?  Cara licked her lower lips slightly, taking in a slight breath.  Nate felt as if he would go insane if he didn’t kiss her soon.

His leg shifted, and she moved hers so that his was between hers.  Nate pressed her further back against the tree, while her hands moved, coming around his back, touching him tentatively but at the same time pulling him closer.  He loved the feel of her body against his, as if they were made for each other alone.   He pressed his hips closer to her, knowing there was no way she could not feel the effect she was having on him.

Nate’s right hand moved gently against her jaw and she pressed her face against it.  His thumb began running slowly along her cheek, to her lips.  He heard her make a small noise when his thumb brushed against her lower lip.  He leaned in closer, his lips were just a hair from hers when they heard Alistair scream for help from the woods.

 _Andraste’s ass_ Nate thought as he stepped away and they took off after where the Darkspawn had Alistair pinned up a tree.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dammit, Alistair!!!


	7. Even Better Than the Last Time

Cara sat looking at the water, they had returned to camp two days ago.  Her thoughts were back in Highever, imagining a life that never was.  Had her family not perished, or even just Fergus, how different would her life be now.  She for certain would not be promised to the Duke.  There was no way Fergus would have allowed it, especially after he’d attacked her.  Fergus probably would have sent the Duke back to Rivain in a box, she thought with a smile.  Then she wondered if that would have meant that she never would have come across Nate again.  That thought made her heart hurt almost as much as the idea that she’d probably never be able to visit her family’s graves again.

Cara sat with her head on her knees, trying to hold back the tears.  She knew Hawke was somewhere behind her.  She was aware he’d been following her since she had awoke.  In fact she suspected he’d been doing that every day since she returned.  She figured he was probably trying to give her space because of his brother’s attack.

“It’s ok, Hawke,” she said softly.  “You can stop hiding.”

Cara heard some shuffling behind her, before Garret sat next to her.    She leaned over with her head resting on his arm.  Even though she’d only been at the camp about two weeks, she’d already come to enjoy his company.  Even though it had started as a joke, he had become a good substitute brother she had decided.

“Everything ok?” he asked.

“Just thinking how much different things would be if the plague hadn’t happened.” She sighed.

Hawke chuckled, “Pretty sure there’s a whole camp back there who’ve had those thoughts at one time or another.”

Cara nodded but said nothing.

“Listen,” he sighed, “about Carver.  I’m sorry.  I told you he was an ass, but I didn’t expect him to attack you like that.  I don’t have much, but I’ll get you another necklace next time I’m in town.”

Cara raised her head to look at him.  “Save your money, it’s not something that can be replaced, it’s ok.”

Hawke watched her, he could see the tears just below the surface.  “Maker’s breath, Carver really is an ass, isn’t he.  That necklace meant something, didn’t it?”

Cara nodded, wiping a single tear from her cheek.  “It was the last gift my brother gave me.  It’s fine, really.  It’s just a pendant.”

“No, it’s not.” Hawke put his arm around her and Cara settled back against his side as they watched the water.

***

Nate watched as she moved about the tent.  His was larger than most, being the leader did have his perks.  It was large enough not just for his cot, but a small table and chair.  He watched as she sat in the chair and opened up a sack she had with her when they found her, placing the contents on the table.  He knew from sight the ring she pulled out was one that had belonged to Fergus.  He recalled her father giving it to him for his sixteenth birthday.  There was also a hair ribbon, he assumed from her mother.   He recognized the Cousland crest on a cloth she pulled out.  She pulled something out from there, delicate based on how she held it.  Nate’s eyes grew wide when he realized what it was.  It was a single yellow rose, and he new in an instant where she got it .  He knew because he had given it to her, at the end of the King’s wedding.  He’d swiped it from a centerpiece, but he wanted her to have something to remember the dance, and him, so he had given it to her.  He couldn’t believe that she had kept it all this time.  Not only that, but when she had fled Denerim for whatever reason, she felt need to take that with her along with the few items from her family.  He felt a pleasant warming in his chest, at the thought that he had meant enough for her to carry around a flower for three years.

Nate made a noise to make it sound like he was just entering.  He let a small smile brush his lips when he saw she made no attempt to hide the rose as she stood seeing him.  She blushed when she saw him enter,  her eyes falling on the flower again.  “You probably don’t remember this,” she said softly.

“I do,” Nate replied, his voice unintentionally husky.  “It was the wedding, I remember it well.” He stepped closer to her, his eyes falling on the rose.  “I remember how nervous I was to give that to you,” he lifted his hand, pushing some hair that had fallen behind her ear.  She blushed when he did so, which kicked up the butterflies in his stomach.

Cara smiled, and nodded.

“I have a gift for you, I hope it’s ok,” he looked into her eyes.  Nate felt like he could spend an eternity looking into them. Cara nodded.  “Close your eyes.” He said softly.

Cara let her eyes close softly, and Nate pulled the chain from his pocket.  He placed it around her neck, bringing a hand around to pull her hair up and over the chain.  He ran his head through her hair as it dropped back down around her neck, appreciating the shudder that ran through her as he did.

Cara opened her eyes, and looked down.  Hanging around her neck was the heart from Fergus.  She had a sharp intake of breath in surprise and looked up to him.  The hand that had been through her hair now rested on her lower back.  “How?”

Nate’s other hand moved to the heart.  “I had the blacksmith fix it for you.  I knew what it meant to you.”

Cara’s hands flew up to his face and pulled him down before he could even blink.  Her lips were just as soft as he remembered.  His hand that had been around the heart now came to the back of her neck, touching it lightly.  Nate ran his tongue along her lips asking for entrance.  Cara allowed him to tilt her head slightly and opened her mouth.  His tongue pressed against hers.  His hand at her back pulled her closer as her arms linked behind his head, keeping him in place.  Their kiss became heated.  Three years of waiting put into a single kiss.  It was better than anything that had been in his fantasies.

When they pulled away, Nate rested his forehead against hers.  He ran his thumb along her cheek and smiled, hearing her sigh.  “I hope that was alright,” he said barely above a whisper.

“Even better than the last time,” she smiled.  “You’ve improved with age.”

Nate chuckled and bent his head capturing her lips again.  This time it was soft, quick kisses, but with just as much warmth.  Cara pulled them both back, until her legs hit the table.  Nate moved his mouth from her lips to press wet, warm kisses along her jaw and down her neck.  Cara let out a small moan as he did.  She rolled her hips against his, and he pressed closer to her.  Cara could feel something hard press along her stomach, causing her to moan again at the heat that was pooling in her smalls.

“Nate,” she moaned full of desire.

Nate pulled his head up, kissing her lips again.  “Cara,” he whispered.  “My Cara” he whispered into her ear, hearing her purr.  He moved his face to stare into her eyes again.

Cara ran her hand along the stubble on his jaw.  “Nate, please.” She rolled her hips along his again causing a delicious groan to pass his lips.  “Make me yours, Nate.  Please.”

Nate kissed her again, pulling her close.  “Not here, love.” He said, kissing her again when she looked hurt.  “Trust me, Cara, I want you.  I’ve dreamed of nothing else since the last time I saw you,” he continued pressing kisses to her face as he spoke.  “Would I be your first?” he asked, looking into her eyes again.

Cara nodded.  “I want it to be you, Nate.”

Nate smiled, using all his willpower to not bend her over the table right there.  His body screamed for him to do it.  He felt harder than he could ever remember feeling before.  “It will be, beloved.  I promise.  Just, not here.  I won’t take you in a tent where everyone will hear you.  I want everyone to know you belong to me, but not like that.  But I promise, soon.”

He pulled away, kissing her once more.  “We should go to sleep, before I forget myself and take you anyway.”

After he had heard her breathing become even on the cot and he knew she was asleep, Nate leaned down upon his bedroll.  He could barely stand the elation he was feeling.  Cara had kissed him.  Cara _wanted_ him.  It was more than he had ever hoped for.  As he fell asleep, for the first time in years the future no longer looked so hopeless.

***

Cailan was choking her.  “You will do what I tell you!” he snarled as she could feel the world going black.  She clawed at his hands at her throat, but he just held her tighter.  “You do what I tell you or you will die.  Just like him.” He growled.  Stepping aside she saw Nate, his throat slit as he sat limply on a chair behind the King.

Cara awoke crying out for Nate, clawing at her own throat.  Nate was at her side in moments.  He ran his hand along her face so she could see his.  That snapped her out of her nightmare and Cara rushed into his arms, clinging to him.

“Cara, shhh.” Nate ran his hand down here back “I’m here, you’re safe, I promise.”  He kissed the top of her head, his other hand running along her hair to soothe her.

Cara pulled back, and touched his face.  She wanted to tell him how wrong he was, that they were far from safe, but the words stuck in her throat.  Instead she nodded, wanting to believe him.

Nate started to get up, but Cara pulled him back down before he could.  “Please, just stay here tonight.  Just hold me please” she pled.

Nate nodded; there was no way he could deny her.  They settled in on his cot, and his arms surrounded her.  It made her feel safe, something that had seemed like a distant memory.  Soon her breathing had evened out, and she was asleep again.  Nate squeezed her again, and allowed sleep to take over him, as he thought how right she felt lying next to him.

***

The next several days seemed like a wonderful dream to Cara.  Nate had meetings with Alistair, plotting where the attacks were taking place.  Planning strategies, and helping the farmers where he could.  And whenever he wasn’t, he sought her out.  Sometimes she’d be dueling with Hawke, other times along the lake with Alistair, but he always found her.  When he did, he would wrap her in his arms and pull her in for a kiss like a starving man and she was a banquet.

She had teased him once, “You will spoil me, with all this affection.”

His reply warmed her heart and made her melt all at once.  He had brushed the hair from her forehead and looked her in the eyes.  “I spent three years dreaming of you, three years wishing I’d see you just one more time.  I have three years of missed kisses, three years of my arms not holding you, three years of not looking into your eyes to make up for.”

It was five days after that first kiss that Daveth approached Nate while he was meeting with Alistair.  He seemed nervous as he waited for his leader to complete his meeting.  Nate finally turned to the man and nodded.  Daveth approached, and held out a paper to the two men.  I found this today while we were in town for supplies, I thought you should see it.

Nate looked at the paper and paled as he handed it to Alistair.  The larger man shook his head.  “Talk to her, Boss.  Then we can figure this out,” he waved the paper, to let Nate know he’d support any decision that was made.

_Wanted – information on the location of Cara Cousland_

_Kidnapped from Denerim_

_5000 gold in Reward offered for her safe return_

_1000 extra gold for location of kidnappers_

***

Hawke and Cara sat by the center fire.  He was teasing her about the effect she’d had on Nate as of late.  They were laughing when Nate approached, asking to speak to her alone.  Hawke gave her a wink and left as Nate sat next to her and took her hand in his.

Cara smiled at him, and leaned over placing a small kiss on his lips.  He touched foreheads and then took a deep breath.  “We have to talk, love.”

She became concerned, rarely did a good conversation start with _We have to talk._   She took a deep breath, “Ok.”

“I need to know what happened in Denerim, why you were running.” He continued holding her hand in both of his.

Cara gulped and stared at the fire.  There was no way she could tell him.  She didn’t want him to look at her with disgust at what she had allowed to happen. 

“You can trust me,” he ran his hand through her hair making her turn to him.  “Just tell me, Cara.”

She still said nothing, tears forming in her eyes, unable to meet his.

“The King has offered a Reward for your return.  They seem to think you’ve been kidnapped.”  Nate held her hand in one of his, the fingertips of his other hand running along the palm of hers.  “Cara, if I am going to put my men at risk to protect you, I need to know what I’m up against.  I need to know why.”


	8. Duty

Cara paced along the tent the next morning.  She’d barely slept the night before, even though she was in his arms, something that normally calmed her.  What little sleep she had was worrisome.  When she awoke, as usual, Nate was already gone, out training with the men, or reviewing strategy for keeping the nobles away, or Darkspawn away.  Her stomach was upset from the minute she woke.  She knew Hawke would already be out there waiting to lead her to breakfast, but she couldn’t bear the thought of eating with the churning stomach.  Words ran through her head as she paced.

_Couslands are here to serve the people_

_Put my men at risk..._

_You will do your duty to your country…_

_Put my men at risk…_

_serve the people…_

Cara ran her hands through her hair, tears running down her cheeks.  She sat on the cot, her hands pulling at her hair.  She wanted to scream, but she knew that would just send Hawke running inside, and all she wanted was to be alone.  How did it come to this?  Why couldn’t what she want align with what she had to do?  She rocked back and forth in the chair, her head between her hands still, wishing for a way out.

_You will do your duty to your country…_

_Couslands are here to serve the people_

She ran her hand along her heart pendant.  _Fergus, I need you_ she thought.  No answer came.  No whisper, nothing.  She already knew what she had to do, but she had been hoping an alternative would appear to her, but none had.

Cara wiped the tears from her eyes, and ran her hands down her clothing to straighten them out.  She didn’t want Hawke to know she’d been in here crying.  Once she was convinced that she appeared nothing more than newly awake, she readied herself to greet Hawke.  She looked around the tent, eyes falling upon the table there. She grabbed a towel and stepped outside.

“Maker, I thought you’d never come out and I’d have to start doing real work again.” Hawke laughed as she appeared. “Being a bodyguard’s _way_ more fun than cleanup.”

Cara placed a hand on his cheek and smiled. “It’s nice to have a brother again.” She kissed his cheek.

“I’m glad Carver doesn’t do that,” Hawke laughed.  “Are we going swimming?” he asked looking at the towel.

“I need to bathe.  I was hoping you’d make sure I wasn’t disturbed.” Cara answered.

“Right this way, my dear,” Hawke laughed, leading her to the lake.

Hawke stood at the top of the path, the only clear way down to the lake from the camp, to ensure no one followed.  Cara waved at him once she got to the lake, he waved back and then turned away to face the camp to give her privacy.

***

Alistair approached the meeting table where Nate was reviewing maps with Oghren.  Nate looked up, and upon seeing who he was with, stood up straighter and grinned.

“Nathaniel Howe,” Alistair introduced, “This is Riordan and Duncan of the Orlesian Grey Wardens.”

Nate shook their hands.  “Maker, you’re both a site for sore eyes.  We could definitely use your help.”

“We thank you for your aid getting us over the border.” Duncan said. He then turned to his compainions, a young woman, two elves and a dwarf.  “Allow me to introduce some new recruits, Solona, Theron, Darrian, and Duran.” 

“And this is Morrigan,” Riordan introduced a dark haired woman who was dressed much more exotically then the others. “She is not a Warden, but has provided us invaluable help.”

“Welcome, all of you,” Nate nodded.  “I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, my ladies,” he nodded to Solona and Morrigan, “but for your safety, I must insist you remain with either one of your fellow wardens or one of us at all times.”  He pointed to himself, Alistair and Oghren. “There are some men here who have not seen a woman in some time.”

Solona nodded, but Morrigan just scoffed.

***

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Nate yelled throwing Oghren’s empty ale bottle against the tree where it shattered in an angry noise.  Nate was glaring “I trusted you, this is on you.”

“Don’t you think I blame myself already?” Hawke was shaking from fear, not of Nate, but for his new ‘sister’. “She tricked me.  She said she was going to bathe.  I swear I only had my back turned a few minutes.  When I didn’t hear any sounds I turned back around and she was nowhere to be seen. I’ve looked everywhere, we even scoured the water to make sure, Maker forbid, that she hadn’t drowned.  She’s simply gone.”

Nate turned to Alistair, “Take two of your best, scout the area for any signs of her.  I want a report in thirty minutes.”  Alistair nodded and left, giving Nate’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he passed.

“I’m sorry Boss,” Hawke said, tears of shame forming, “I let you down.”

Nate snarled at where his fingers had dug into the table and then looked back to Hawke waving his hand.  “Go help Alistair, find her.”  He then made his way to his tent.  She had been gone a few hours, and yet the tent still smelled of her. 

He looked around the tent, hoping to find some reason for her disappearance.  Some clue to what had happened. His eyes fell upon his desk.  Sitting upon it was everything from her sack, and a note with his name on it.

_Nate,_

_You were right, I can’t put your men at risk.  I keep wanting something different than what seems to be destined for me. Everything keeps telling me I’m being selfish, and the more I try to fight it, the more the Maker is pushing back.  It’s clear that no matter what my heart may want,  I need to do what my country wants, no matter how much I really want to stay here with you._

_Please know I love you.  Enough that I want you to be safe, and for that I have to return to Denerim and do as the King asks._

_Goodbye,my love,_

_Cara_

Nate slammed his fist on the table, making the contents jump.  He looked at what she had left, things he knew she held dearer than anything.  Only two things were missing, her necklace from Fergus and the yellow rose.

Nate collapsed onto the chair, his elbows on his knees.  He held his head in his hands and started to cry.  She was gone.  Why did he have to push her?  Why couldn’t he have just said to her he’d protect her no matter what?  And now she was gone, yet again.  He’d never even said ‘ _I love you’._ He’d called her love, and beloved, but not ever said those words.  Why hadn’t he told her when he’d had the chance?  Would he ever get that chance again?

He was to blame for this.  Not Hawke, not the King.  He had pushed her, if he had just been silent she’d be here, in his arms right now.  His heart clenched in his throat.  He heard Alistair call to him outside of the tent.  Nate sat up and wiped his eyes.  He ran his hand over his face and tried to collect himself.  He did not need his men to see him like this.  He took a large breath and stepped out of the tent.

“Report,” he nodded to his second.

“We couldn’t find any sign of a struggle,” Alistair nodded.  “By all signs she left of her own accord.”

Nate nodded.  “She left a note, that true.”

Alistair’s eyes softened.  “I’m sorry, Nathaniel.” His hand landing on his arm, no longer speaking as his second, but instead as the man that had been his friend for the last two years.

Nate opened his mouth to reply when a scout approached.  “Sers” he nodded to them both. “There is a rider approaching.”

Nate and Alistair exchanged a quick look and took for the direction the scout indicated, ready for a fight.  When they got close enough to see the riderless horse, and the large elf in an embrace with Hawke, they slowed.  He was a spy of theirs from Denerim, so there was no need to prepare to fight.

“Fenris,” Alistair nodded to the elf.

“Nathaniel, Alistair”, Fenris nodded, pulling from Hawke’s embrace, his arm still around the waist of the man.

“What brings you this way?” Nate asked, reaching out his hand to shake his.

“Officially, I’m looking for a missing woman for the King.  Unofficially, I’m looking for the woman that ran away to ensure she is not found.” He nodded.  “Perchance has a longhaired blonde woman come through?  She’d be wearing leathers, with a gold heart around her neck.”

The three other men exchanged a look, but waited for Nate to answer.  Fenris was trusted, but it would be Nate’s call how much they would share.

“Cara was here,” Nate nodded.  “She left this morning however.  To return to Denerim.”

“Venhedis!  We have to find her first, she cannot go back!” Fenris sounded desperate, something they’d never heard from him.

“She left of her own free will from what we can see,” Nate answered.  “Why are you so concerned?  What don’t we know?”

“She’s going back to that Duke, and if she does I am sure he will kill her this time.” Fenris said.

“What Duke, Fen?” Hawke asked him.  “What happened?”

Fenris shook his head.  “I never saw it happen, so  I can’t prove it was him.  But I know it was.” Fenris looked to Nate. “I’ve never seen a woman so  badly beaten before, I hope never to again.”

Nate’s hands pulled into tight fists at his sides.  “Alistair, you’re in charge.  Hawke, say goodbye to Fenris, we are leaving in five minutes to find her.”

“I may be of help,” they all turned to find Morrigan behind them.  “I am an expert tracker.  I know these lands well, I can help find your friend.”

Nate nodded, “Very well, we need to find her before this Duke does.”  He headed off towards the stable to get his horse, praying to the Maker as he went that he would be on time.

***

Cara entered the clearing just south of Crestwood, spotting his horse.  The mayor had been more than happy to let her know he had just traveled through, having recognized Cara from her family’s visit years ago.

He was surprisingly alone, staring at a map. She made her way closer.  His horse snorted, seeing her, and he turned dropping the map.  “I found you, you’re safe!” he ran, pulling her into his arms.

Cara heart sank  to her stomach. She didn’t care, she had no need for it anymore.  Not as long as he’d be safe.  His arms around her made her feel sick, but she plastered a smile just the same, ‘ _for Ferelden’_ she thought.  “Hello, Rylen”. She whispered, fighting back tears.

The Duke beamed at his lost betrothed having miraculously returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be dark, you've been warned


	9. Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: Domestic Violence

Morrigan transformed into a wolf and was able to pick up her scent from the bag Cara had left behind.  Nate and Hawke followed on horse.  Fenris left for a town five miles north so that he could lead any searchers that came through in the opposite direction.  Hawke watched his friend as they rode.  He had seen worry on Nate’s face before, but never like this.  It looked as if the man didn’t know if he wanted to cry or scream.  He moved his horse closer as they followed.

“We’ll find her,” he tried to reassure him.

Nate nodded, not at all looking convinced. “Hawke, Garrett.  I’m sorry, for before.  When Cara’s determined to do something, there’s not really much you can do to stop her.  This was not your fault, and I’m sorry for saying it was.”

Hawke nodded.  “Thank you, but it’s ok.  I shouldn’t have turned my back on her.”

Nate gave him a sad smile, “Still, it’s not your fault.  It’s mine.  I didn’t trust her that whatever was going on was bad simply because Cailan was involved.  I shouldn’t have demanded a reason, she should have been enough of a reason to fight.”

“Well, we can all sit around the fire and look pitiful and guilty after we find her, _orrrr_ ,” Hawke waggled his eyebrows, “you can show her you are happy to see her again in other ways.”

Nate blushed and gave another smile.

Garrett, looked at Nate with his mouth agape.  “Wait!  Are you telling me she’s been in your tent for almost three weeks and you haven’t yet…  This _is_ the woman you’ve been pining over, isn’t it? Oh, don’t look at me like that, we all knew there was someone, you’re not as good at masking your thoughts as you may think you are.”

Nate blushed again and shook his head. “There wasn’t time…”

“Wasn’t time?  You had three weeks, Nate.  Fenris and I have five minutes back at camp, trust me, we found time!”

“You, how, what….” Nate stammered and Garret chuckled and kicked his horse ahead.

“We’re coming up to Crestwood, Morrigan.  I recommend shifting back.”

***

Cara sat on the horse in front of the Duke.  She didn’t want him to have his arms around her, but she also didn’t want to have to be holding him.  She decided at least this way she didn’t have to look at the man.  _For Ferelden, for Nate’s men_ she thought to remind herself _why_ she was doing this.

“I was so worried when the guards rousted us from sleep to tell us you’d been taken.  I was so worried.  How did you get away?” he asked her as they rode.

“I snuck away when my guard wasn’t looking,” she said quietly, hoping Hawke didn’t get in too much trouble because of her.  She suddenly wished she had left a note for him too.

“My love, are you alright?” Gaspard asked.  Cara cringed internally at him calling her what Nate had.

“I’m fine, I just… didn’t sleep well.  You know, worry and all.  I guess it’s just catching up with me now.”

“Oh, my dear, of course.  Come, we’ll set up camp early.  You can bathe and sleep and we’ll ride to Denerim in the morning.”, Gaspard offered.  He was acting and sounding like the same man she had met that first night in Denerim.  Like a kind person.  Maybe away from the pressures of Denerim he was more that man.  Maybe in Rivain he would be too.  She hoped that was the case.

They made camp in a clearing, with a river running nearby that could be used for bathing.  Cara went to the river, and thought of Hawke.  What must he have thought when he realized she was gone? Did he think she drowned?  She hadn’t even thought of that.  She hoped Nate didn’t blame him for her leaving.  _Please forgive me, Nate_ , she thought.  She was grateful for the kisses and the feeling of being in his arms.  She wished there had been more, but she couldn’t bare the thought of him being harmed, or worse, because of her.  While bathing she kept watching for the Duke, sure he would take advantage of this situation of her being nude in the water.  She was drying herself off and he had never appeared.  In fact, he’d been a gentleman since finding her.  Maybe he realized he was wrong, Cara thought.  _Maybe he really did worry and thought he wouldn’t see me again, and has changed._ Cara sighed.  This was not the man she _wanted_ to marry, but if she was going to go through with this she should try to make the best of it, she decided.

Cara approached the camp again, to find Gaspard preparing rations from his pack.  He smiled when he saw her approach.  “Feeling better after a bath?”

“Yes.” She nodded.  “I am surprised, most Nobles wouldn’t have a clue how to even set up a camp, much less prepare a meal.”

The Duke nodded, “My father made a point of making sure that we did.  He wanted us to know how to survive should we ever be lost.  Come, sit.  I know it’s not the same as a real meal at the castle, but hopefully this will suffice until we are there tomorrow.”

Cara sat, and began to dig in to the cheeses and dried meat on the plate before her.

“The wedding, of course, had to be delayed without you there.” The Duke explained.  “When we get back, we’ll have one right away so as not to delay our trip back to Rivain.”

Cara nodded. Her heart broke at the thought of being married to Gaspard in probably a few days.  In the last week she’d thought still of a wedding, but the man waiting at the end of the aisle was in leathers, with long black hair and stubble on his face.  He had a grin held the promise of years of love, and adoration.  His eyes shone as a man who had loved her for years without having ever said it.

Gaspard just looked at her like she was his property.  There was none of the same love that had filled Nate’s eyes.

“That rose on your vest.  I don’t recall seeing it before,” Gaspard gestured while eating.

“It is old.” Cara explained looking at it and thinking of Nate.  “It was from the King’s wedding.”

***

The mayor at first refused to tell them anything until Nate convinced him to share.  His particular method of persuasion was to pin the mayor against the wall with a dagger to his throat. 

They rode faster in the direction that the mayor sent them.  Morrigan took the shape of a bird to search ahead.  The mayor had said that Duke Gaspard had come through a few hours before Cara.  That meant there was a real possibility she was with him, on their way to Denerim now.  Nate prayed to the Maker that he could find her in time.  Fenris had discussed with Nate what he had seen in Denerim and it made his blood boil.  No wonder she had run.  No wonder she hadn’t wanted to talk about it.  The Cara he knew was probably ashamed, even if she had no reason to be.  From the minute she could walk, Nate remembered, she wanted to be just as tough and fearless as her brother.  Nate remembered all the times Cara had fallen from a horse or a tree, faced down a bear, or other things that would have had most girls crying.  But not Cara, she’d shore up her face, and carry on, even if there were tears just below the surface.  She wanted everyone to know she was tough and not some weakling.

Nate vowed to Andraste that if she could help him find Cara he would sweep her into his arms and declare his love, that he would make sure she knew how adored she was.

A bird landed near them and turned back into the shape of a woman.  “I’ve found them, you need to hurry!”

They followed Morrigan, dismounting just far enough away to not be heard.  Morrigan led them at a quick pace, seeming unconcerned about stealth.  When the clearing opened what Nate saw had him running to the camp, Hawke quickly at his heels.

***

“It was from the King’s wedding” Cara explained.

The Duke nodded.  “Odd that you had it with you now, though.” His eyes narrowed, and Cara realized too late she’d made a mistake wearing the rose.  She’d been afraid it would be damaged in her pocket, but now she was wishing that she had either thought to do so anyway, or had lied about its origins.  “Even if you had it on in Denerim… how was it that it would have survived three weeks in captivity.  Just where were you, Cara?”

Cara put her plate down and started to inch away.  She realized all her thoughts about how he may have changed, that it had just been stress were crumbling away.  The man before her now was the real Duke, the man she would be spending the rest of her days with.

She managed to stand, walking back, towards the forest.  “I…. it’s like you said, I was kidnapped.  I escaped and here I am….”

The Duke shook his head.  “No, no you look took well.  I should have noticed earlier, but I was so happy to see you.  These people that took you, did you know them?” he advanced on her even as she tried to retreat.  His voice changed to something cold.

“No, I… I am here, shouldn’t that prove….”

His hand hit her hard enough that she would have fallen over except that the Duke had a hold on her shirt to keep her upright.  “Do **NOT** lie to me.  Do you think I’m stupid?”

Cara shook her head.  “No, of course not.  I didn’t know them…”

The Duke slapped her again, this time she could feel her nose crack, probably breaking.  This time her shirt tore causing her to fall from his grasp onto the ground.

“Tell me, _love_ ,” the Duke snarled.  “Just _what_ did you do to keep yourself alive with these men?”

“Nothing, I swear.” Cara held her hands up to try to defend herself even as her nose throbbed.

“I don’t believe you,” The Duke snarled, straddling her and pulling her hands from her face.  “Tell me, Cara, did you _whore_ yourself out to these men.  Did you even care?”

“No, I…”

The Duke smacked her again.  “Will you ever stop lying?  I can see the bite on your neck.  Why don’t you show me _love_ show me what you did with these men.”

“No….”

The Duke held her two hands down with one of his and punched her with the other.  “You will never say No to me.  You are mine,” smack “ do you understand?  You will do exactly as I tell you.  I will beat and fuck the insolence out of you!” he snarled, smacking her again.

His hand came up again to hit her and suddenly he was tumbling off her.  Cara’s head fell back to the ground and she looked to the sky wondering where he had gone to when suddenly Hawke’s face appeared above her.  “Cara, Maker.” He looked like he was going to cry.  “Come here quick” he said to someone she couldn’t see.  Why was he here, the Duke was going to be made he was here.  “Cara, this is Morrigan, she’s going to heal you, ok.  You’ll be ok.”

Cara nodded as the hands of a woman hovered over her face, and magical light began to emit.

***

The man was on top of _his Cara!_   He was attacking _his Cara_!  Nate was going to rip him limb from limb.  He took off in a run as he heard the sickening sound of that man’s fist hitting her face.  He moved so quick that when he came upon them he ripped this _man_ , the Duke he assumed, from her in one move.  The Duke stumbled at first and then rose to his feet.

“I don’t know who you think you are, but you just attacked a Duke, young man.  I suggest you leave me to my betrothed or I will have the Royal Army throw you in the dungeon,” he snarled.

“If you think I’m letting you anywhere near her again, you are mistaken.  You will never ever touch her again,” Nate snarled.  “Why don’t you try fighting someone your size, I doubt you’ll fare as well.”  Nate swung at the Duke, connecting with his face and hearing something crunch.

The Duke stumbled and then got his bearings.  He lunged at Nate.  “You think because she spread her legs for you, you have some right to her.  You are some peasant,  a no body.  I am a Duke and you will see who she leaves with!”

The two men fell to the ground.  Gaspard got one hit in, breaking open Nate’s lip before the rogue flipped them both over so that he was now on top.  Before the Duke could react, Nate started punching him.  He thought of the sight of seeing this man hit her, knowing he had done this before.  It fueled his anger as he continued to swing.  Finally the Duke passed out, and Nate stepped off of him. 

He turned and stared walking towards where Hawke and Morrigan were leaning over Cara.  Hawke quickly met him and held his arms up.  “Don’t, Nate.” He said trying to keep him still.

Nate pushed Hawke’s arm out of the way and continued walking.  Garrett put himself in front of Nate.  “Stop.  She’s bad, and she doesn’t want you to see her like this.  Let Morrigan heal her, then you can go over.  Give her that dignity at least.  Trust me, you don’t want to see.”

Nate nodded and stepped away while Hawke moved back to hold Cara’s hand.  He kept an eye on the passed out noble on the ground, for any movement that would indicate he was waking.  Finally, Hawke approached him.  “She’s healed, but I suggest we put some distance between ourselves and here before the happy reunion, Boss.”

Nate nodded, heading towards his horse.  He stood beside it, watching Hawke lead Cara over to the horses.  The minute she saw him, Cara broke away from Hawke and threw herself in Nate’s arms.  She started crying as soon as his arms wrapped around her.  “I’m so sorry Nate, please forgive me, I’m so sorry.”

Nate squeezed her tight and then took a hand to lift her head up.  He kissed her softly on the lips before running his hand through her hair.  “You have nothing to be sorry for, my love.  Let’s get you to safety and then we can be alone, ok?”

Cara nodded as he helped her onto his horse.

They rode for thirty minutes without saying much, just putting distance between themselves and the Duke.  Cara pressed herself back into Nate’s chest, letting a sigh fall from her lips.  How could she ever think she could live without the feel of him, she wondered.  He held the reins with one hand, his other was around her possessively.  When she pressed back, his arm and hand tightened around her.  He nudged her hair off her neck with his nose and his lips descended upon her neck in soft kisses, alternating with his tongue.  Cara’s hands grabbed his thighs tightly and she started pressing back against him further.

“Cara,” he whispered in her ear. “Go somewhere alone with he, today.”

She nodded, and rocked against his hips, eliciting a small moan from him into her ear, making her start to get that fluttering in her lower abdomen again.

“Hawke,” Nate said, pulling back from her to look at the man.  “Is the cabin still unoccupied in the North woods?”

Hawke nodded, with a smirk.  “It is, Boss.  Should I head back to camp and bring Al up to speed while you… check in on the cabin?”

Nate nodded, turning his horse to the east while Morrigan and Hawke continued South.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be smut and that's about it


	10. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I'm nearly as nervous as Cara about this chapter -- hope you like it <3

The ride to the cabin was not a long one.  The time passed quickly, yet slowly at the same time for Cara, as Nate teased her by combination of kisses to her neck and ear lobes, along with gentle nips from his teeth.  She moaned quietly every time he nibbled her neck, embarrassed from the explicit sounds that were involuntarily coming out of her mouth.  His hands slid under the jacket Hawke had given her to wear that was too large for her.  He never let his hand wander too far up or down, but instead it pulled and slid along her abdomen, making her feel warm, and needing him closer.  When he’d pull her against him, she could feel something hard at her back.

They pulled up to the cabin.  Nate jumped off his steed, and held his hands up to help her down.  She slid down into his arms.  Her feet touched the ground but he did not remove his arms from around her.  Instead Nate pulled her closer.  One hand rose to her face and he gingerly touched her cheek.  Morrigan had healed the cuts and breaks, but bruises would only disappear with time.  Nate leaned forward and placed gentle kisses wherever there was a bruise.  Too many for his liking.  When he pulled back, he looked at her with a smile that warmed her heart, and then leaned back in for another kiss on her soft lips. 

She melted into him.  Cara had thought she’d never again kiss him, and here she was, in his arms, and like a dream his lips were pressed to hers.   He ran his tongue along her lower lip and she opened for him.  Their tongues battled while Cara’s arms came around his neck, as if to keep him from ever leaving.  He swallowed her moan with a smile as he rolled his hips along hers.

Nate pulled back from her kiss pressing his forehead to hers.  She gave him a look that showed desire.  He felt warm and his heart beat faster knowing it was only he that she held that look for.  “Come with me, love.” He said softly, taking her hand to lead her into the cabin.

They entered the cabin, and Nate gestured for her to sit, pressing a kiss to her lips before he did.  He made his way to the fireplace and worked on it until it was lit.  Cara watched him the whole time.  When she was in his arms, she felt brave, and full of heat.  Now, sitting here watching him, that heat turned to nervous butterflies flew within her stomach.  What if she wasn’t good?  What if she disappointed him?  He had told her he’d thought of nothing else but her for three years.  How could she compare to what his mind created?

Nate turned from the fire and gave her a warm, reassuring smile.  He knew there was things they needed to discuss, but they could wait for tomorrow.  Tonight he wanted to show her how precious and adored she was.  He kneeled down and removed his boots, all the while his eyes never leaving hers.  He knew she must be nervous, and he wanted to do everything he could to show her she didn’t need to be.  He wanted her to know only tenderness and love.  He wanted to wash away all thoughts of the brutal attack from earlier in the day.  Nate walked to where Cara sat and kneeled before her.  He took her hand with one hand, his other cradling her bruised cheek again.

“Cara,” he said, trying to hide the nervousness in his voice, hoping his confession would be received as he prayed it would.  He kissed her softly and then stared into her eyes.  He felt like he could fall into those eyes and drown.  “I… I love you, Cara.  I’ve loved you for so many years I’m no longer sure when I ever even started.”  He watched her, praying she wouldn’t tell him he was a fool, that she could never love someone like him.  The longer she watched him, the more nervous he became that would be her answer.

Cara’s hands came to her mouth as a sob emerged.  She had never thought she’d see him again, and now here he was, before her, telling her words she never thought she’d hear from anyone.  He loved her.  Truly deeply loved _her._   She realized that she hadn’t answered him yet.  She grabbed his face and pulled him close as tears ran down her face.  She kissed him fiercely as Nate ran his thumbs along her cheeks to wipe away the tears as he kissed her back. 

Just a few short hours ago she had thought she would never feel his touch again; she’d never receive his soft, heated kisses; never smell that scent of sandlewood that spoke ‘Nate’ to her.  Just a few short hours ago she thought she might die at the hands of the man she was to marry.  Just a few short hours ago she believed she’d be off to Rivain and never see Ferelden again.  What a difference a few short hours could make.

When he pulled back, it was with another warm, assuring smile.  Cara returned it and placed a hand on his cheek while he still held her face between his. “I love you, too.” More tears running down her face from pure joy.

Nate’s smile grew at her confession.  She loved him.  The woman he’d dreamed up alone in his tent every night for years.  The woman he’d pined over, never knowing what had become of her.  The secret he held deep in his heart, protected for so long.  In his wildest imagination he had never dreamt she would ever really, truly be standing in front of him, returning that sentiment.

Nate kissed her quickly then ran his hands down one of her legs, and smiled as he felt her shiver.  He removed one of her boots, than placed her hands on her other leg, and repeated the process removing her other boot.  Nate put them to the side, and slid between her legs as he kneeled up again.  He wrapped her legs around his torso as he pushed closer to her, placing kisses to her neck again to hear those delightful moans from her once more.  He wrapped his arms around her and lifted her slowly.  Cara bent her head down and kissed him.  The kiss quickly turned passionate, as they battled for control of it.

Nate walked slowly as he carried her, through to the bedroom, never breaking the kiss until he was bending down to place her on the bed.  He leaned over her bringing his lips to hers once more, as he brushed back the hair from her face.  “Cara,” his voice husky with desire, “is this what you want?  Do you want me?” he still half believed he’d wake up to find himself along in his tent.

Cara nodded, pulling him closer.  She rolled her hips up to meet his, reveling in the delicious moan that left his mouth.  Her hands came around his waist, pulling his shirt free from his pants.  She tugged, trying to pull it from him.  Nate knelt up and removed his shirt, tossing it to somewhere unknown in the room.   He leaned back down and closed his eyes as Cara ran her fingers along his chest.  He was well built, muscular from years of fighting.  She had seen him without his shirt while in training with his men, but to actually touch him, for him to be so close filled her with excitement.  Her fingertips brushed along his chest, down to his tight abdomen.  Cara felt that flutter in her abdomen again at the feel of him.  She looked up to see Nate smiling at he, with warmth.  She lifted her head to kiss him and one of his hands moved to unbuckle Hawke’s jacket from her.

Cara leaned up on her elbows to help him remove the jacket, and untied her breast band.  When she lied back down, she could hear Nate take a deep breath.  “Maker, you’re so beautiful.” He sighed, causing her to blush.

Nate crashed his lips to her again, while one hand cupped her breast.  His thumb teased her nipple until it was hard beneath his finger.  His mouth left hers and he started warm, open kisses along her jaw, down her neck.  He made a slow journey to her collarbone, pinching her nipple, and smiling at the moan he heard from her.  A beautiful sound only he could pull from her, making his cock twitch at the noise.  When his mouth descended upon her breast, and his tongue began to tease the nipple further, his hand moved to the other breast, and began to tease that one as it pebbled under his touch. Cara’s hands moved, one to his hair, holding him in place, her other against his shoulder.  She pushed her head back, another delicious moan leaving her lips, and her hips rising up.

Nate moved his mouth to her other breast, and gave it the same treatment.  “Nate” she moaned, and his cock twitched again.  He rolled his hips into hers, causing her abdomen to tighten.  She didn’t know what she wanted at that moment, just that she wanted him and more of him.  Nate began kissing down her torso, giving love bites as he went  Her hand pulled as his hair, her hips rising again as she moaned his name.  Nate decided that sound was his favorite, and he would live his life trying to pull that from her as much as he could.

Nate’s hands moved to her waist.  One began to untie her pants as he continued to lick and nibble at her stomach. Every moan, every beautiful whine from her went straight to his arousal.  His hands went to either side of her waistband and pulled it, along with her smalls off in one quick move.

He looked over her, and noticed her shy smile.  Nate layed down beside her, running his hand along her,  “I am a lucky man,” he whispered to her, kissing her again as his hand moved to her curls.  He touched her and could already feel how wet she was.  When he brushed against her clit, Cara let out a delighted squeal, and her claws dug into his shoulder again.  Nate moved his forehead to hers and began to tease her with his fingers, pushing one inside her, while hit thumb rubbed along the bundle of nerves.  Cara’s head rolled back again, and he took the opportunity to lick her neck and nibble again.

He pushed in another finger, and pumped.  Cara began moving her hips in time to his pumping, and her hands grasped his shoulder.  She could feel that pressure increase in her abdomen.   It was a new feeling, but something she wanted desperately.  Nate continued to pump as her breath became shallow, his name a chant on her lips.  “Come for me, my love” he pleaded in her ear, and she came apart screaming his name, her hips rising off the bed while her head rolled back.  He continued to touch her through her orgasm, pumping and pressing.

When she finally came down from her high, she looked at him with another shy smile.  “Maker” she sighed, he  chuckled and kissed her again.  “I want to touch you,” she sighed, her hands running down his abdomen again.

Nate removed his trousers quicker than he ever had and took her hand in his.  He kissed each of her finger tips, and her wrist looking her in her eyes.  Cara kissed him deeply again as he took her hand moving it down to his cock.  Cara moaned when she touched him, he was hard, yet somehow velvety soft at the same time.  She touched him tentatively with her fingertips.  Nate took her hand with his, and wrapped it around him.  “Like this” he whispered, showing her how to gently pump him up and down.  Nate moaned as she did so, his head moving to her neck again.  “Cara”

While she pumped him, his fingers found her core again, and began to touch her again.  “Nate, please” she moaned.

“Please what, love?” he asked.  The sounds she was making, it was better than any of his fantasies had ever been. 

“Please, Nate, I want you,” she practically cried.  He knew he couldn’t deny her anything.

Nate moved so that he was now between her legs, and moved so that the head of his cock brushed against her wet core.  “Please” she cried out again.

Nate looked down at her, placing one hand along her face, and kissing her again.  “Tell me if it hurts, I will stop,” she nodded and then let out a loud cry, her back arching up, her head back again as he pushed into her slowly.  He then pulled out nearly all the way in, and pushed in, further this time.  He repeated until he was fully sheathed in her.  He rested his forehead against hers and stayed still to allow her to adjust.  Nate had been with other women before, but they never felt like this.  Her warmth surrounded him.  It felt like nothing else, ever had.  Like _home_ he realized.

“I love you”, he kissed her again.  “I love you so much, my Cara.”

She nodded and moved her hips to indicate he should move more.  He began pumping in and out of her slowly.  He felt like he could go insane she felt to Maker forsaken good wrapped around him. 

The only thing falling from her lips anymore was a combination of moans and his name, repeated over and over as he pushed in and pulled out.

“Please, more, more” she moaned.

Nate took her hips into his hands and began to push in harder, but still just as slow as before.  He watched her face, he wanted to see when she came apart around him.  His hips started to buck quicker as Cara raised her hips to meet his thrusts.  Her fingernails began scratching down his back.”Oh Maker, Nate” she called out and he knew she was close.

He moved his hand between them and started rubbing at her clit with his thumb again.  It only took a few rubs before she was coming apart underneath him.  She pulled and milked him as she came, screaming out his name once again.  Nate increased his movements, and fell right after her.  He continued to pump into her until he was empty. 

“Maker, Cara,” he sighed out as he rolled off her, covered in sweat.  He pulled her along with him as he rolled on her back.  She curled herself around him.  Nate kissed her forehead, pulling her closer. 

“I love you” she whispered, sleep slowly taking her.

Nate pulled the sheets up around them, and wrapped his arms around her so that she would know she was safe.  Sleep took him soon after.  They met again, once more on the bed and twice by the fire, cries of ‘ _I love you’_ and ‘Maker’ filling the air, and every time Nate felt was more beautiful than the last.  She blew away any fantasy he’d ever had in the dark of night .


	11. Never Leave

Nate woke before her, as usual.  But unlike most days where he needed to start training or running through reports, this morning he was perfectly happy to stay in bed.  Cara was wrapped around him, her head on his chest as she still slept, and his heart soared the moment his eyes fell upon her.  His dreams had been filled with joy, but in the cold light of the morning, his mind instead turned them to sadness.  They had been of the things he wanted to be able to give her, things she deserved, a home, children, a place of their own.  But he was a fugitive, and so these were out of his reach.   Nate realized he was perhaps a selfish man, because even though he knew she deserved that, he was unwilling to give her up.

His arm tightened around her as he felt her start to stir.  She looked up at him with sleepy eyes, a smile across her face when their eyes met.   Nate bent his head down and kissed her.  He wanted to wake up this way every morning the rest of his life if he could.

“Hi,” she said shyly looking down at him as she leaned up on her elbow.  Nate found it endearing that this girl he’d known since she was born, someone who’d once kicked him in the shin when he was seven because he called her a baby, was now shy with him.

Nate placed a hand on her cheek and brought her face down for another kiss.  “Good morning, love”.  His hand moved behind her neck and then down her back as they kissed.  He rolled so that she was now pinned under him, never breaking from the kiss.

When he pulled his head away, he leaned on both elbows, his thumb running along her cheek as he cupped her face.  Nate expected to see joy in her face, instead he was shocked to see sadness.  “Cara,” his voice was concerned, “What is it?”

Cara blinked twice, fighting back the tears that were just on the surface.  How could the Maker be so cruel to give her someone as wonderful as Nate, knowing she wouldn’t be able to keep him.  “I… I love you Nate, know that.” Her hand reached up to his face. “But, nothing has changed, if I don’t go back, they’ll come for you.  Especially now that the Duke has seen your face.”

Nate shook his head.  “I love you too, and you are a very stupid woman” he smiled at her.

“You’re not very good at this romance thing are you?” she gave him a small smile.  “Let me up so I can kick you in the shin.”

Nate shook his head again.  “That’s why I have you pinned here, love.  I am not stupid.  Well, not anymore.” He bent down and kissed her nose.  “Cara, the King already wants me dead.  What I said to you the other night, well, you should have kicked me then.  It was stupid.  My men were already in danger, you had nothing to do with that.  I should never had said what I did.”

Cara closed her eyes and took a deep breath.  “But what of Ferelden…”

Nate interrupted her.  “Ferelden can burn for all I care.  There is no way I’m ever letting that garbage anywhere near you again.  You are my heart, I love you, and if I have to take on the King and his army to keep you safe I will.  Do you understand?”

Cara nodded, tears filling her eyes again, as Nate bent down to kiss her again.  “You are mine.” He whispered in her ear, kissing just below her ear.  Her eager hands found his lower back and held tight as he rolled his hips into her. “Never leave me again.” He whispered into her ear. 

Cara moved her head to face him.  “Never,” She promised as they began to make love slowly.

***

When they arrived back at the Crow’s camp that afternoon both Alistair and Hawke were waiting for them.  Nate helped her down from the horse, his arm remaining around her waist when she was on the ground again.

“Good to have you back,” Alistair nodded at her with a smile. 

“Alistair, you’re not blushing.  I’m beginning to think you are getting used to me,” Cara smiled.

“He’s less grumpy when you’re around.” He indicated Nate, “And you keep him out of my hair, quite literally” he pointed to Hawke and laughed.

Nate kissed her cheek then looked at Alistair. “Anything to report?”

Alistair nodded, “Yes, the Wardens are waiting for you up at the table.”

Nate nodded.  He took Cara’s hand and kissed it, then placed it in Hawke’s hand.  “Try not to lose her this time,” he said with a wink.

“You’re doing way too much kissing for someone that’s the deadly leader of the Crows you know,” Alistair smirked at him. “C’mon Boss, time to be all glowery again.”

Hawke led Cara away.  “Nate wants me to learn to use blades from you.” She said when they were away from most of the camp. “He wants to know I can defend myself here, or wherever if he’s not there.  He said the bow may not be enough.”

Hawke nodded. “It’d be my honor.  I’m just happy you’re back, I got used to having someone to tease again.” He gave her a grin. “I mean, I have Carver, but he’s all angry, so it’s not nearly as fun.”

***

“Are you sure?” Nate asked unbelieving

Duncan nodded.  “I’m positive this is a blight.  All the signs are there.  We already made good use of the treaties the Wardens have with those in Ferelden.  We just need to track down where the Archdemon is.”

“How do you expect us to help?” Nate asked, “Were only about thirty men.”

“Your men know this land better than any of us.  Just directions, and aide in any way you can.” answered Riordan.

Nate nodded.  “First suggestion, stay away from Denerim.  The King is not a good man, and I doubt he’ll hear anything you have to say before chopping your heads off for being here.”

Duncan nodded as he and Riordan departed to meet with their party.

“Maker, a blight, just what we need.” Nate shook his head turning to Alistair.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and the Archdemon will sit on Cailan”, Alistair chuckled.

***

“You know, if it was any other man in this camp doing that right now, they’d be dead?” Nate called out to Hawke.

Hawke looked up and chuckled.  He had his one hand pressed against Cara’s hips, showing her how to turn, while he was standing in front of her.  He shook his head, turning just slightly to help her adjust her arms and then stood back in a crouch.  “Ok, come at me again.”

Cara readied for the attack, they’d been practicing for hours now.  She swung with one of the practice daggers, Hawke moved out of the way with ease, but when he did, she quickly turned behind him, a hand coming to his throat with one of the daggers.

“Very good.” He smiled, pulling away from her. “She’s picking up fast, Boss.  Might I suggest staying on her good side.”

Nate nodded as he approached, “I plan on it.” He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.  “Dinner, my love?”

“Maker yes, he’s been working me over all day.” Cara sighed.

“Again, any other man here, Hawke,” Nate winked at him.

***

As they ate, Nate kept a possessive hand on Cara’s knee, drawing light patterns on it with his thumb and throwing several smiles his way.

“I like your effect on the boss,” Daveth said.  “He’s much less…growly.”

“Maker, that’s the fourth person today to comment on your change in attitude.  Just how grumpy were you before I got her?” she laughed at Nate.

He smiled at her and shrugged while he ate.

One of the men came over with a note for Nate.  He read it and then kissed Cara’s cheek.  “I need to leave, I’ll be back later tonight, love.”

“Is everything ok?” she worried.

Nate shook his head, “It’s fine.  The vicious leader of the Crows needs to scare some nobles off some lands.” He winked at her, taking his leave.

When Cara turned back to the table she noticed that Carver was now on her other side.  Hawke gave him a concerned look but said nothing.  Carver looked like he had something to say, but was unsure for once of how to say it.  He looked down at his plate and then back to her.

“I heard what happened, when Hawke found you.” He said still not looking up.  “Were you… were you really going to marry someone like that to keep the rest of us safe?”

Cara nodded, looking down at her plate, saying nothing.  She was picturing the Duke, how he had looked when he was on top of her.  A shudder ran through her as she thought of what he might have done to her had Nate and Hawke not arrived when they did.  Hawke seemed to sense she was falling down that rabbit hole, and he reached across the table, rubbing his hand on hers.  She looked up and gave him a small smile.

“Oh” was all Carver said, quietly.

***

Cara sat on the cot brushing her hair out the braid Hawke had put it in earlier when she heard the flap rustle.  She looked up and smiled seeing Nate enter.

“Done terrorizing high society?” she asked with a smile.

“I am, for today.  I’m… I’m rather glad you don’t see that side of me.” He nodded, kneeling before her and taking her face into his hands, kissing her softly.

Cara put her arms around his shoulders and began to press into him.  Nate pulled back slightly.  “Don’t lose that thought.” He winked at her, standing to gather something from a bag in the corner.

He put something in his pocket and sat next to her in the cot, then pulled her into his lap.  Cara linked her arms around his neck as he brushed back some hair behind her ear and pulled her face down for another kiss.  His hand moved to her waist, meeting with his other one, and then ran along her leg.  “Maker, you are so beautiful.” He whispered to her pulling out of the kiss.  She blushed, causing his heart to warm, knowing it was he that put that color on her cheeks.

He placed her back on the cot next to him and took her hand. “Cara,” he looked at her hand held in both of his as he spoke.  “I want you to know, this camp, this life, it’s not an easy one.  It’s dangerous, and hard.”

Cara became nervous, his words sounded ominous. “Are you sending me away?” she asked.  She didn’t want to leave him, not after he’d confessed his love for her.

“Maker, no!” he shook his head. “I meant what I said this morning, I don’t ever want you to leave me. I just… I want you to understand what it means if you stay here.  I’m a fugitive, there’s a price on my head.  That means… it means I can’t give you the life you deserve, the life you should have.”

“Nate,” she lifted a hand from his and touched his cheek, “I don’t care about any of that, I would rather have you than any riches.”

Nate smiled and turned his hand to kiss her palm.  “Good”

“Like I said, I’m a fugitive.  I need to stay out of sight, so I can’t very well just walk into town and up to a Chantry.” He reached in his pocket and placed something in her hand. “This was my mother’s.  It’s not the ring you deserve, it’s not the kind I want to give you, but it’s all I have.  If you were to wear it… I’d… well in my heart it would mean the same as if I had been able to take you to that Chantry.  I know you’ve only been here a month, I know this is sudden, but I also know I’ve loved you for so many years.  Will you wear it?  I promise I would honor and treat you exactly as if we had been blessed by the Reverend Mother.”

Cara looked at the ring in her hand, and up at him with tears in her eyes.  “I have my father’s, I would wear it so that you know that I am yours, completely.” He watched her nervously.  He had no idea what he’d do if she said no, if she told him he was being too presumptuous after one night together.  He knew this was fast, but the last few days had proven to him that it could be ripped away again too quickly and he didn’t want to wait anymore.

Cara looked again at the ring, and placed it on her finger.  It was a little loose, but she decided she’d just tie some string around it in the morning.  She nodded and kissed him, placing both hands on his face.  The tears started to roll down her eyes.  Nate pulled back from the kiss slightly, keeping their foreheads pressed together.

“You do know I was saying that I consider us married now, right?  As in to me, because you seem awful happy and I’m not sure you’ve thought about how little of a catch I am.  You don’t even get your own chair in this tent.”

Cara pushed his arm playfully. “I do, Nate.  And you do know as your wife, that chair is mine, right?”

Nate laughed and pulled her down onto the cot, slipping the other ring on his hand.  “Well then, I suggest we move right along to the honeymoon then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes sense. I didn't want this to be one of those stories you read where they have sex and marry five minutes later. I'm hoping the fact that they've known each other 18 years, and that he's loved her for at least the last five or more, and the extenuating circumstances of a blight and the possibility of death coming for them made this quick turn around make sense.
> 
> Feedback is always welcome. I can't tell you how giddy I get when there's comments in my inbox and Kudos left <3 <3


	12. It All Changes

The next two months were the best Cara could remember in a long time.  It seemed odd to her, when she thought about it, that she would feel more alive and happy in a hidden camp within the deep woods with a bunch of fugitives than when she was in her family home, with all the riches it had.  When she thought about it, she realized it was because even thought there was a home and riches, it was missing family. 

Alistair had finally become more relaxed around her and she found  that she thoroughly enjoyed being around him.  He proved to be a man with a sense of humor even larger than him.  As he got to know her, Alistair shared his story with her.  Cara learned that he had grown up hidden away, as if a dirty little secret, instead of a child.  That the only one to show him affection his whole life had been Teagan.  It wasn’t until he had turned 18 that he discovered who he really was.  When he did, he foolishly thought that Cailan would be just as excited to find out he had a brother as Alistair had.  Alistair hadn’t cared one lick that his new found brother was King, all he had cared about was that he finally had a chance at a real, honest to goodness family.  At first Cailan had seemed to welcome him with open arms, but it was only a week later when Alistair overheard the King plotting with one of his Generals to have him killed in what was to look like an accident on a hunting trip.  Alistair left the castle that night broken hearted, once again alone.  He wandered the country for about a year, picking  odd jobs here and there, and trying to laugh it off whenever someone would point out how much like the King he looked.  Eventually he ran into Nate while helping a local farmer who was being disposed from his land to gather up what belongings the man could.  The two formed a quick friendship, and before long, he had become Nate’s second in the rag tag group.  It was sometime during then that Teagan had tracked him down, but rather than drag him back to Redcliffe, Teagan decided to join up with the Crows himself.

She and Hawke grew close over those months.  Each was filling a hole left by a missing sibling in the other’s heart.  While she could never picture Fergus ever braiding her hair, Hawke did provide the good natured teasing as well as friendship she had lost when Fergus had died.

Even the men in camp had come to consider her one of them over time.  The recognition of her relationship with Nate seemed to help them accept her.  The fact that she also pitched in with hunting for food, aiding with injured and helping those that needed the Crows also helped solidify her becoming part of them.

Yes, Cara was happy, she had a family, friends, a community to be a part of, and someone who loved and adored her.  Falling asleep in Nate’s arms every night brought her peace.  For Nate, it felt like having her there beside him made up for everything else he had lost.  But like everything else, there was an end coming to this chapter in life.  It would end in a way neither could have ever predicted.

***

Nate and Cara were at the archery range when a man ran up “Riders approaching, Boss.  About thirty. Coming quickly.”

Nate grabbed Cara’s hand and they made their way to Alistair.  “Report”

Alistair pointed, “He really needs to tell us when he’s coming, cause less of a panic and all.”

Nate looked to where Alistair had indicated, and let out a sigh of relief seeing Hawke and his white haired elf in a passionate kiss.  When they broke apart Fenris made his way to Nate in a quick stride and grabbed the man’s hand with a hearty shake.  Cara moved behind Nate when she saw who was approaching.

“I’m afraid I don’t come baring good news Nate, can we talk.” The elf indicated the makeshift office that Nate and Alistair often used.

“Don’t trust him, Nate.” Cara said from behind him.  “He’s one of Cailan’s men.”

Fenris seemed to notice her for the first time.  “That I am, my lady.” He reached into his armor and pulled out a chain, a charm, similar to the one on Nate's necklace, was on it.

Nate stepped aside and put his arm around Cara’s waist.  “Cara, allow me to introduce Fenris.  Without him we wouldn’t have known to come find you when you had left.  Fenris, I believe you already know my wife.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow at the word ‘ _wife_ ’ but shook his head with a smile.  He took Cara’s hand and kissed it as he bowed.  “I am glad to see you faring better, my lady.  I would take the time to speak with you, but for now, we need to discuss why I’m here.”

“And why you brought a small army with you,” Nate questioned.

“Yes,” Fenris said, as Alistair led the way to the table.

***

“When the Duke returned to Denerim he was in quite a state.  Looks like someone beat him pretty badly.” Fenris nodded at Nate with a smirk. “He told the King that he’d been ambushed by the Crows while searching for Lady Cara here and that you all had taken her against her will.”

“That bastard,” Cara said, much louder than intended and her hand flew to her mouth.

“Quite,” Fenris smiled at her.  “The King has plans to attack about here.” He indicated a point just north of where they were, “The idea is to draw you out by laying siege to the farmers here, and then kill you.  I rode as quick as I could ahead of them to prepare you.”

“And the army with you?” Alistair asked.

“Those are men loyal to me, not the King.  Every one of them is willing to fight against Cailan to defend the citizens of Ferelden.” Fenris explained.  “I have another twenty here alerting the farmers to help them either flee or prepare to fight.”

“Nate, this isn’t right,” Cara shook her head.  “All those people, these people, they can’t all risk their lives just for me.”

Nate took her hand and squeezed.  “You undervalue yourself, love.”

Fenris nodded.  “The King was already a tyrant.  That he would think it’s ok what that Raviani did to you.  I have no issue defending you against either of them, and neither do my men.  It will be our honor.” He bowed to her.

Cara looked at Fenris in awe, and then back to Nate.  Her heart warmed as she saw the look of pure love he was giving her.  “The Crows feel the same.” He said to her with a nod.

“How can you be sure?” she asked him.

A small cough came from behind.  Cara turned to see Carver behind him.  “Because I told him, Serrah.  We all feel this way, my lady.  What you did before, for us, it hasn’t gone unnoticed.  You’re one of us, Serrah, and we will defend you like we would anyone else here.”

Tears came to Cara’s eyes as she looked around the table. The men there all nodded to her, with small smiles.  “Thank you” she whispered, barely able to keep a sob from her voice.  Nate squeezed her hand again as they all leaned over the map to begin to strategize.

***

The battle had been going on for hours at this point.  Nate secretly wished the Wardens hadn’t left a month ago, their strength could have been a help.  He, and Cara, and the other archers were in the rear, shooting at the King’s horses, while Fenris led the swords men at the front.  Hawke and the rogues were popping in and out of focus.  It had become clear that while well trained, the King’s men were little challenge for the rogues.

So far there had been few casualties on their side.  “Andraste is watching over us, love” Nate had said at one point, placing a kiss to her forehead before shooting off a round of arrows.

In the distance Cara could see the King and Gaspard approach each other.  She strained to try to figure out what they could be talking about.  She heard a _whiss_ through the air and before she could react, Nate was falling beside her.  She turned to see an arrow protruding straight through his left shoulder.

Everything after that seemed muddy and slow moving.  She remembered calling out his name, and falling to the ground next to him.  There was so much blood and he appeared to be unconscious.  She must have screamed for a healer, although she couldn’t remember doing so, but within a minute one was there, while someone was pulling her back saying to let the healer work.  She watched in horror as two large men picked up Nate’s limp body away from the fighting.

Anger filled her, it would not end like this.  Cailan would not have his victory.  She reached to her sides and pulled out her daggers and ran headlong into the battle.

The training Hawke had been providing her was paying off as she sliced her way through the men.  She was fighting beside Alistair when suddenly a loud crashing noise came from the right.  Everyone turned as a large ogre came barreling his way through the battle grounds, Duncan and his men not far behind.  Before anyone could react, the Ogre grabbed Cailan, whipping him into the air and slamming him into the ground three times.  The wardens descended upon the Ogre and made quick work of bringing it down.

The battlefield grew quiet as word quickly spread of what had just happened.  Cara gulped.  “Um, Alistair.” He looked over to her, “I… I think you just became king.”  Alistair’s eyes widened as the truth of her words sunk in.

As if reading her mind, Fenris approached, and knelt in front of Alistair.  “Men, bow before your leader, King Alistair Therin.” 

Cara’s mouth hung open as the scene unfolded in front of them.  As if a wave rippling through the field, man after man on either side of the battle put down his weapon and turned to kneel in Alistair’s direction.  For his part, he still seemed to be in shock, just staring down at Fenris before him.  He barely seemed to register the rest of the soldiers.  Then a shout from the other end caught his attention and brought him back to the present.

“What are you doing?  Stand up, that man is not your King.  You there, grab her!  That is my betrothed bring her to me.”

Alistair’s usually chipper demeanor disappeared in a flash.  Cara was in shock at how quickly his face turned to anger and bile.  “Ser Fenris.  Kindly escort the _Duke_ there to the nearest ship and send him back to his homeland.  _Alone!_ ”

“It will be my pleasure, Your Highness,” Fenris nodded as he stood, tapping on two other guardsmen to follow.

“Cara?” Alistair asked, holding out a hand for her to rise.  She took it and gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile.  “Where’s Nate?”

Her face dropped and she turned to look to where the healer had taken him off to.  Alistair nodded and then walked in that direction.

***

It seemed as if all of Ferelden had turned out for the King’s coronation three weeks later.  Riordan had tracked the Archdemon down the week after the battle and had given his life to save Thedas.  The King declared that his sacrifice would not go unnoticed and had ordered a statue of the man built in Denerim to honor him.

Alistair addressed the audience as their King.  “This victory did not come without much sacrifice.  But the losses would have been much greater if not for one man.  He fought against the oppression of my brother, helping and banding together his fellow countrymen.  He aided the Wardens arrival into Ferelden, and without that, the blight would still be raging on.  The sacrifices he made saved Ferelden.”  He nodded to those beside him.  “Arise Nathaniel Howe, I name you Hero of Ferelden.”

Nate rose and the King spoke again.  “For your service to your country, please, what do you wish in repayment.”

Nate stood near the King, whispering.  Cara watched as the King nodded, and then chuckled once at something Nate had said.  “Very well, Ser.”

“First, by declaration, all lands taken from King Cailan shall be returned to their rightful owners immediately.” Loud shouts and murmurs began around the room.  Alistair held his hand up.  “You knew it was wrong, but benefitted just the same, the wrongs done by my brother will be undone, anyone that does not obey shall be arrested and put in the dungeons.”  The crowd quieted.  “Second, the ban on the Grey Wardens from Ferelden is lifted.  The Hero has so graciously donated his home and lands of Vigils Keep to the Grey Wardens as their new base.”

Alistair then looked to Cara.  “Lady Cousland, there is one final request from your King.  It appears Ferelden needs you to make a sacrifice once more, my dear.”

Cara nodded, “Aye, My King.”

Alistair looked at Nate and then down to Cara.  “Lady Cousland.  There is a terrible risk to the women of Ferelden if the Nathaniel Howe is permitted to roam free.  He needs someone to keep him from causing any further trouble.  My lady, as your King, I beseech upon you to haul this ruffian off to a Chantry and marry him properly.”

Cara laughed. “I think I’d be willing to make that sacrifice, Your Majesty.” She beamed as she arose, and walked into Nate’s waiting arms.

The crowd began to cheer, but a voice could be heard yelling from the middle, “I object, I must speak.”

The crowd parted as the older man made his way to the front.  “Teyrn Mac Tir,” Alistair nodded.

“Your Highness, I beg your forgiveness, but before you can allow this to happen, I must speak.” Loghain said.

Alistair nodded while Cara watched with curousity.

“Your Majesty.  There is one more change I ask you to make before allowing the Lady to marry.  Highever belongs to her.  I am an old man, being a Teyrn is long days, and I would rather spend what remains with my Anora,” he nodded with a smile to the former Queen.  “King Alistair, I humbly request you return the title and lands to Cara as my gift to them.”

Cara rushed into Loghain’s arms, as he wrapped them around her.  “Your family is awaiting your return, my dear” he said as he kissed her head.

Nate watched the two with a smile.  He felt like his chest was going to explode.  Suddenly all those dreams he thought would never be, a home, a family, a life; they were now within his grasp.  He looked to the crowd and caught the eye of his father and brother, both of whom were looking back at him with pride and admiration on their face.  As Cara made her way back up the steps and into Nate’s arms he pulled her into a kiss.  “Let’s start on that forever after, my beloved.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was started by nudging from Fandora asking for a Nathaniel story (and good naturedly teasing me that he was a kicked puppy in "Love & Darkspawn) <3
> 
> I hope you all loved it, feedback would be cherished!! Thank you all so much for reading.


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